When I was a teenager, I did what most typical teenagers do - I "lived" in my room. It was my own space, things for the most part were as I wanted them, I talked on the phone, I listened to music, I talked on the phone some more, and I looked out my window - looking to the sky I would stand and pray to God. Some of my deepest, most intense prayers to God were spoken standing at that window, in the quiet of my room, looking up at the sky, invisioning God up there looking down at me; listening to my prayers - my hurts, my needs, my regrets and petitions for forgiveness, my gratitude for His working in my life, my prayers for my future and what I felt He was calling me to do.
I now live in a "typical" Florida house with LOTS of windows. I can look out the window from where I sit now, typing on my computer. I can see a bit of the sky; today it is dark and cloudy, drizzling rain; kinda yucky. I think we have about 18 windows in our house, give or take a few, but I still need a window like I had back then. I need a place, a time where I can have my uninterrupted, one on one time with God. Don't get me wrong, I pray. In fact, if I had to rate it based on amount of time, I would rate prayer time higher than time spent reading the Bible. I pray when I am driving (which is a lot). I pray all throughout the day at different times. BUT... I don't have uninterrupted, quiet time to pray. I am not a teenager who can get away with locking myself in my room. I am a 35 year old who gets knocks on the door and hears children screaming "mommy" when I even try to go to the bathroom alone. Getting up before them doesn't work, tried it, done it, didn't work. I am NOT, let me repeat, I am NOT a morning person. I enjoy the quiet the morning offers. In fact, I enjoy the quiet enough to get up early... but as soon as I sit down and try to read my Bible, or pray; before I know it I am fast asleep. In fact, this is so much of a problem that I have mentioned it to my doctors, and have read that it goes along with adrenal fatigue syndrome... I can not make myself stay awake most days until 9 or 10:00. Then I have tried having my quiet time at night after the kids go to bed. We put the kids to bed at 8:00 most nights (unless we have church or another event) and they are hardley ever asleep before 10:00. By that point I am EXHAUSTED!! And we have a nurse that comes in at 10:00 to take care of the baby's medical conditions at night so I can sleep.
I am not complaining. Many of the prayers I spoke at my bedroom window as a teenager were begging God to let me have children. Now, I have them; and I love them SOOOOOOO very much! I love to hear Tyler and Lauren get so tickled that they can't quit giggling. I love to see Madi's compassion for everyone, her willingness to help others, and her love for kids too.
I have so many things I am thinking about at this point in my life, and I wish I had a window, a quiet place where I could talk to my Heavenly Father. I want to talk to Him without being interupted. I want to be able to hear him above the rest of the noise.
Over the past 15 years of ministry with my husband I have learned a few things:
1. Never tell God you won't do something, or you most definately will.
2. If you ever get comfortable in your walk with God, He will lead you down a different path.
3. God is more loving, forgiving, fun, gracious, giving, and bigger than we can even beging to imagine in our little minds.
4. Life is never boring :)
I may not have my window to spend hours of one on One conversation with God; but I know He hears me just the same. I know he knows my heart, and He sees my willingness to please Him, and He knows I come before Him humbly, knowing I don't deserve what He gives to me. I may not have a quiet window of time to talk to God, but one of my favorite parts of the day is when I do prayer doodles with the kids each morning - they pray for someone and draw/color a picture at the same time.
Instead of praying "for" children, now I am praying "for MY" children.
When I was going through infertility, I couldn't understand why God would call me to have children, to be a mommy; and then let me suffer with infertility. Until He showed me His perfect plan and blessed me with my children through adoption.
I don't know where exactly God wants me to go right now... what exactly He wants me to do... but I know that as long as I am with Him, it will all turn out perfect.
3 comments:
Hey, when I was struggling with adrenal fatigue I started taking the supplement called adrenogen. I am not kidding, it made a huge help to give my body a boost to kick the fatigue. My chiro recommended that you take 2 in the morning and another on in the afternoon to keep going. I know it looks pricy for the 270 count bottle, but it is well worth it! You can find them for less if you try the 90 count bottle. Anyway, I thought you might like to know that this supplement can help kick the adrenal fatigue much faster than just diet alone. HOpe you find some help in this area.
http://www.naturalhealthyconcepts.com/adrenogen-270-p-managing-stress.html
Just in case this be more likely your troubles...especially based on many of the health troubles you have been talking about lately.
We had a little problem with candida here and so did my sister in law. Here is a link that shares some of the symptoms. http://www.candidasymptoms.net/ The symptoms don't always show up as yeast infections like one would assume, but a lot of your side effects could just be a candida issues. If I read correctly it can be one of the most missed problems out there and blamed for other issues. The great things about this though is there is a simple wonderful cure that works wonders. No kidding, my sister in law with her sever fatigue that she couldn't even get out of her bed until 11:00 am in the morning saw a turn around within days and by 2 weeks is feeling 100%. It is amazing. Anyway the treatment is 3 tsp of organic raw apple cider vinegar (mixed with water helps it go down), 3 times a day. That is it. Do it for 2 weeks. YOu will notice a difference really quickly! Anyways, this is the brand I use and it works great. http://www.vitaminshoppe.com/store/en/browse/sku_detail.jsp?id=GG-7002&sourceType=cs&source=FG&cm_mmc=Shopping%20Engines-_-googleproduct-_-Apple%20Cider%20Vinegar%20-%2032%20Ounces%20Liquid%20-%20Weight%20Management-_-GG-7002&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=GG-7002
Thanks April!!!! I am going to look up the candida thing. I will prob. try the apple cider vinegar first (although the smell of vinegar makes my stomach turn) and/or look at ordering the androgen. I am gonna look it up; then I may ask you some questions on G4T.
You can always mix the raw apple cider in with some juice or honey. It isn't as bad as regular vinegar...I promise :)!
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