snow day preview

We had a great Christmas, and the kids LOVED playing in the snow. I have lots of stories to tell, and pictures to post... but for tonight, here is 1 pic of the 3 kids in the snow.

excited about this weekend

I am SOOOO looking forward to this weekend. Some great friends of ours are coming up as a surprise for Madi's birthday; then the twins will be baptised on Sunday. We haven't told the twins yet, because they know they are not getting baptised until Pam and Brittany come up... so they will find out tomorrow.

I can't wait to see our friends, and it is just going to be a good weekend :)

Matt is finished with teaching until January; he is finished with Graduate School until January; we are almost finished with all the pictures we need to edit and order... should be finished tomorrow; my house is NOT clean yet, but the kids did help some today; and I only have a few presents left to wrap. SO all in all, I am feeling pretty good about the progress we made this week. :)

I may not write much more until after Christmas... although I do want to get the kids Christmas picture put on here... but if I don't talk to you or write on here before then... I hope you all have a great Christmas, and that Jesus will be glorified everywhere this Christmas!! :)

Happy Birthday Madi!!!

I have watched you grow from a chubby little baby girl, to a beaming toddler with lots of energy, then into this gorgeous little girl with compassion for others that is beyond measure, and now into a beautiful young lady... a pre-teen; whom I can not say enough wonderful things about. You are an amazing girl, you are still my baby and always will be; but I already look up to you in so many ways. I can't wait to see what God does with your life... He has already done so much. There aren't many adults much less 10 year olds who care for people like you do; not only do you care, but you have the courage to speak up and do something about it. I thank God for giving you to Daddy and me!! Just like we have talked about, He created you for us, for our family; and I am SOOOOOO glad He did. I love you baby girl!! I hope you have a great birthday today!

I'm ready for school to start back ;)

Since we homeschool, I can set our breaks when I want to. I had a choice of squeezing in another unit between Thanksgiving and Christmas; but we do something every day from Dec. 1st through Christmas - one of the ways we try to teach the kids the true meaning of Christmas. So... I decided that it was more important to focus on Christmas and our Christmas box activites and wait to start the next unit after New Years. Well................ I know that was the right choice, BUT the kids are getting a little tired of each other, tired of being home with little planned activity, etc. They are whiney and fussy, ARGHHHH!!!

But, I have to say they have enjoyed what we have done with our Christmas activities and really seem to be getting a grasp on it all this year.

TODAY... we have not even gotten to the Christmas box yet, and it is 5:00 PM. I was letting the kids ride their bikes in the back yard while I worked on editing some pictures for Matt. All of a sudden Madi comes running in screaming hysterically "BIG SNAKE, BIG SNAKE" She left Ty and La outside and I was screaming at her "TELL ME WHERE" and she just kept screaming "BIG SNAKE" So... Tyler and Lauren came in 2 seperate doors, and Tyler walked right past the snake... leaving the door open behind him. I went and closed the door, called Matt at work and asked him to come home for just a minute to help me find the snake and make sure it did NOT come inside. We find and kill the snake (sorry if u r a person who doesn't believe in killing snakes... I HATE snakes!!!!!). I hit it with one shovel and held it down while Matt killed it with another shovel. It opened its mouth at me, striking at me, and I am SURE I will have nightmares tonight!!! It was solid black with a solid white belly and the inside of it's mouth was white, so I am guessing it was a water moccasin. Does anybody know if any other snake has a white mouth inside?? It's head more rounded like a nonvenomous snake... but everything else looked like a cotton mouth. ???

Dee Dee, the pictures that I was working on while all of this happened was the ones for your mom and your brother... I am editing them the right way right now; but I thought it would be really funny to zoom in on you and Brian and use photoshop to take off his beard that he has so emphatically been growing ;) whatcha think??

I am also trying very hard to get rid of our colds we have had for like 2 or 3 weeks... I bought vitamin C, zinc, echinacia, cranberry with probiotics, and Green Tea. I am generally not "into" vitamins, herbs, etc. I mean I give the kids a flinstones vitamin every day, but that's it. Anyone know about the things I bought??? Do you think they will help us get well sooner?

UNTITLED

I got caught up in watching a movie on Disney Channel this morning "Akeelah and the Bee". It has been on several times lately, and I have seen bits and pieces of it; today I watched the entire movie. It was a good movie about a little girl in a less than fortunate neighborhood who overcame her life situations to make it to the National Spelling Bee.

There were several parts that caught my attention; but one part caught my curiosity and challenged my thinking of God and how we live life. It is a quote by Mariannne Williamson (whom before today I knew nothing about... I don't watch t.v. often, and don't keep up with much outside of my little world - it is busy enough in my little world - lol). Before I show you the quote, let me tell you what I read in one article about Marianne Williamson... it said that she has become well known by those who want to learn more about God without embracing Christianity. Hmmmm... Jesus said "I am the way, the truth and the life; and no one comes to the Father, but by Me" (John 14:6). So it is impossible to embrace God without embracing His Son, Jesus Christ.

The term "Christianity" has become almost taboo in recent years. It seems that we are known more for what we are against, than what we are for. We are accused of being intollerant, yet we are picked on more than any other religion. There are many Christian organizations out there that are truly serving God/Christ with their lives by giving of themselves to help others. After Hurricane Katrina hit, it was said that without the "Church" more lives would have been lost; people would have suffered for much longer, because it was the Christian Churches who reached out first and the most. Yet what the media waits for is for a "Christian" to fall, and we all do at some level, at some time, because we are human; then they blast us for being hypocritical. Yet every day, Christians are serving God, helping humanity, giving, loving, serving, etc... and it goes unnoticed or underappreciated.

Being a "Christian" or follower of Christ is very simple, yet very misunderstood. The Bible says to "believe with your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and you will be saved" Again... notice "Jesus" is Lord. I don't know what Marianne Williams believes, because I just heard of her today; but I do know that it is a very popular idea today that people want to serve "God" without accepting Christ. What they really want to do is to hold onto their lives, say that they are "spiritual" and ultimately hope to go to Heaven; but they don't want to "give" their life to God. Mark 8:35 says "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me and for the gospel will save it."

The only way to get to God is to accept His only son Jesus Christ. When a person loves Jesus, he/she wants to give of themselves to serve God, because of all He has done for us. It is a change of heart, a change in the way we think, the way we view the world and everything in it. People who have not truly come to know God in a personal way... to be loved by God and to love Him back, can not see how or why we think or act the way we do. It does not make sense to them, because it is foreign.

OK... here was the quote:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

There is some truth to this quote, and that is what caught my attention to begin with. Then as I began to study it, I saw it in a different light:

Notice "you are a child of God" "we are all meant to shine, as children do" "We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us" OK...I agree with all that. BUT THEN... "And as we let our own light shine" AHHHH, there it is - let our "OWN" light shine. NO, it is not "OUR" light that we should let shine! We should let the light of "GOD/JESUS" shine through us!!!

It is funny how God does reveal Himself... as I was in the very beginning of looking at/studying this quote this morning; Lauren came and sat down beside me on the couch. (For those who don't know her well, she is definately a "girly" girl. She loves to look pretty) She sat down by me and said "I'm glad God made me the way He did" I smiled at her and said "I'm glad God made you the way He did too" All during this conversation she is putting on lip gloss and trying to put it on me too - lol. She goes on to say how much she loves God and is looking forward to being baptized. I took the conversation a little farther, perhaps too far for a 6 year old to truly understand; but with this quote on my mind, I talked with La about how God did create her as a beautiful girl, and I am glad that He did, but that the most important thing is that she lets people see "GOD" in her, through how she lives her life, and ultimately how she LOVES others. I think she understood it, at least to some degree. But, I think it was God's way of speaking to me about this quote that I was trying to settle in my own mind...

God gives each of us gifts and talents... some he creates with a physical beauty, some have sparkling personalities and can make people laugh and feel good, some are intelligent in some of many ways, some can listen well, some can speak well, some can sing, some can dance, some can write, some can write music, etc. God didn't create us with these gifts/talents for them to remain in the dark, unused, unseen, ... wasted. He created them in us for us to show "HIS" light, "HIS" love, "HIS" salvation to the world. So, it is NOT for our own light to shine, but for the light of God to shine through us. :)

That is my prayer for my children, that they will let "God's" light shine through them as they grow up and discover their purpose in life. I believe God created us to love us and He desires our love in return; but He gives us gifts to serve Him, and when we do, we experience a pure satisfaction that we have glorified our Creator, and we understand that it is not about us at all, but about our God who although He is allpowerful and does not "need" us; chose to create us anyway so that we can enjoy fellowship with Him.

I pray that as people search for God, they will see Him in "Christians". That they will see God in us, not our own selfishness and failures. I pray that we as Christians will use our gifts to serve God and point the way to God through our worship, service, and love of God. And I pray that it will begin in me. That I will begin to not show my selfish side, my being "too busy" to help others, my being judgemental, my pride, my laziness, my "own" strength and self... but will rather let God live through me more and more every day, and that every day I will show someone "HIS" love. Ultimately when God calls me home, I hope I lived for Him, and not for myself.

All I Want for Christmas

"Is my 2 front teeth"

Actually, I already have all I want for Christmas. We spent the day at Seaworld, the whole family (b/c Matt works so much, he doesn't get to go with us all the time). I was AMAZED at how much they pointed to the true meaning of Christmas. Especially at the Shamu Christmas Miracles show. It talked about the miracle of all miracles, and kept showing nativity scenes; they had a choir with candles singing "Christian" Christmas songs... along with the amazing show the whales put on... I leaned over and told Matt "I feel like this is just a glimpse of what Heaven will be like".

They talked a lot about "miracles" and I was reminded of all the miracles God has done in my life, worked in my life, and given me as gifts. My children, my husband, my church, and most of all, my salvation.

I was talking to a lady while i was waiting on Matt and the kids to get off of a ride (I had the baby), and she had everything the "world" would want... a boat in which they travel to the bahamas on a regular basis, iphones for their 4 and 5 year olds, season passes to all the theme parks central florida has; etc. And I walked away with a smile on my face... we struggle sometimes to know even how to pay the bills. But, my children have given their lives to God, they are happy, they know they are loved, they are blessed. I would rather be blessed than rich. I would rather have Christ, my family, my church, my friends, "my" life (even with all of it's stresses) than an "easy" life in the eyes of the world and miss the "reason" for living - to love God and to love each other.

I have all I want or need. Getting out of debt would be very nice; but I am blessed, and I am Thankful tonight, for all God has given me.

Seaworld was fun. We had a great day. But it was COLD!!!

Lauren's bottom teeth have already grown in; and I am REALLY hoping that she will loose her top teeth before Tyler's grows in. I would LOVE to have a pic of her and Ty together both missing their top teeth. :)

moods and meds

Went to a new neurologist the other day. I like him, in the sense of he understands what I am saying, and I understand what he is saying. We seem to be on the same page as far as what I want for myself in my journey to feeling better. The only drawback is he has no bedside manner. He is very blunt and shows no emotion. I typically do NOT relate well to people like that; but because I feel so good about the medical part of it, I think I am going to stick with him. One bad thing is he is changing some of my meds again. Never good for me. But he is doing it slowly, and he has good reasons for the changes he is making. In the meantime, I am feeling better in some ways, and worse in some ways. I also go back for my hormones in early January, so I am sure they are running low and are not helping me to feel better at all.

Having said that... I have really had a good time the past few weeks. I have been outside with the kids almost every day with them riding their bikes. Jen and I have walked and exercised some, which even with the little bit we did, it seemed to give me more energy and feel better. I have been laughing and playing around with the kids and Matt. But then I have times when I am really fighting to pull out of a depressed state. There are things I can do to "help", but nothing really makes it go away except the medication, and I am in the middle of changing some of that. I really hope I can maintain my wellbeing thru the holidays, especially Christmas!! I am going to take care of myself as best I can, and pray to God every day to give me what I need to be who I need to be and do what I need to do. I want to enjoy Jesus birthday, and all the celebrating we do all month long, especially with the kids.

overall... it is good. Just pray that these med changes don't affect me too much.

How do some of you pull yourself out of yucky moods? Music helps me A LOT. Getting out in the sun helps a lot. Spending time with God, of course. Playing with my kids, and spending time with my hubby.

Missing Granny; trying to follow her example to have fun in living my life

Christmas is going to be hard this year; 1st year without Granny, the glue that held us all together. BUT... I am also really changing how I view things. I noticed today, that I haven't been screaming at the kids like I used to; I still get stressed kinda easily; but I am finding ways to release that stress; and I am actually enjoying life more. Which is 1 thing I would like to follow Granny's example in how I live my life. She sang when she wanted, where she wanted. She LOVED her family. She earned our respect, and never yelled at us. Pa is having a very hard time right now, please remember him in your prayers. And in honor of my decision to live life to the fullest, even in every day things; i am going to post some of my favorite pictures, some are old, some are fairly new; but when I look at them, I smile :)

happy :)

I am so happy, we had a family night and decorated for Christmas. It was so much fun, and I LOVE Chritmas and Christmas decorations. Last year I didn't feel like doing anything, and only let the kids put up their tree. This year, I fully enjoyed decorating like we normally do. :) Good day.

question for you

Has anyone ever been to Ober Gatlinburg? If so, what did you think? I went about 17 years ago, so I am sure it has changed some since then. We want to take the kids somewhere to see snow (and they have snow making machines). We are also tight on money (like everyone else) so we want to go somewhere as close as possible. So if anyone has gone... please let me know what it was like - was it kid friendly, was there enough to do, etc.

OR... If you have any other suggestions, PLEASE let me know, because I have got to get everything finalized.

Also, I see that I have about 6 - 8 people reading my blog every day, but very few talk to me :( I know that Dee Dee said she lost her password, and I am thinking that maybe some of you aren't sure what to do; because it took me a while to figure it out too. You have to create a google account and get a password, then you can post whenever. Maybe you don't want to write, and that's ok too, just don't talk to me; that's fine, I'll be alright - LOL. I am joking around. But i would seriously like at least some feedback sometimes. I can talk to myself, I'm used to that; but I would like to hear from you too :)

OK, back to Christmas and snow - that is all my kids want for Christmas is to see snow. We are planning on getting them one or two presents each; but it is stressing me out trying to find a place that will "definately" have snow; that we can afford. So please help me if you have any suggestions. Thanks :)

Love you all :)

"I will never leave you, nor forsake you"

When I was in Bible College, a friend of mine from the school was speaking to the youth group at my church. I couldn't tell you what he was talking about that night; not that i wasn't listening, but because of the way God spoke to me - I don't remember anything else other than God's message to me.

Whatever Scott was speaking on that night, it was NOT Hebrews 13:4 - 6 or any of the other bible verses that give God's promise of never leaving nor forsaking us.

While Scott was preaching that night I heard God say to me "I will never leave you nor forsake you" Now, it wasn't an audible voice I heard, but I understood those words spoken to me just as clearly as if I HAD heard an audible voice. It was such a strong presence that it startled me, and the words I heard were all I could think about during the rest of his sermon. Afterwards, Scott walked up to me and said "You know, God says in the Bible, I will never leave you nor forsake you". You could have knocked me over with a feather. God spoke to me VERY clearly, in a way that I can't explain other than, even though I didn't hear an audible voice, I understood completely the words He was saying to me; and THEN He went and confirmed it by having a friend walk up to me and "say" the words to me without us even talking about anything related.

Let me back up just a bit. Prior to that night, I had been struggling with a spiritual dry spell, spiritual down, felt like God wasn't listening to me or at least not responding to me; to be honest I felt like I was searching for him A LOT and He was not letting me find him. Then He revealed himself to me in such a mighty way. I'm sure that if I had been in a spiritually close time with God, it still would have been amazing. But i don't think it would have had the meaning or the impact that it had because of the way God orchestrated it. It was as if God hid from me for a while (even though he was really with me all the time) My kids are playing hide and seek right now in front of me; and Madi is looking for Ty, even though she can't see him, and she is looking for him; he is only about 3 feet from her. It was the same with God... He didn't leave me, but He hid from me, and that made me seek Him more. I can remember being frustrated because I was reading my Bible, praying, doing all that I knew to do to communicate with God, all that I knew to "find" Him; but He kept Himself hidden from me until the RIGHT time. At the right time, He revealed Himself in a way that I will never forget. It is a spiritual milestone in my life. As the next 16 years have gone by there have been many times when I felt like God had abandoned me because of my life circumstances, and He always reminds me of that time when he so clearly spoke and confirmed "I will never leave you nor forsake you"; so during my hard times, I may get frustrated, but I know God is there, and at the RIGHT time, He will reveal Himself and His will for my life; and it will all be alright.

Have I heard the answer?

Well, last night I walked past Matt as he was working on his sermon; and I noticed on the computer screen in bold letters, one of his major points for today... "It's Time to Stand Up and Fight for What Is RIGHT". Hmmmm... didn't I just say a few days ago that it was hard to know when to stand up and fight for what is right, and when to step back and wait on God. OK... answer # 1.

Then today after church I was talking to a churchmember who totally understood my heart, and my frustrations, and my delima. Talking to him, and hearing him repeat back to me exactly how I feel, what I am thinking, etc. and knowing what he did and what his circumstances ended up being... answer # 2.

Another part of Matt's sermon today was that sometimes Standing up for what is right can cost you something; sometimes it costs a little, sometimes it costs a lot; but in the end it is an honor to serve God, even when it costs you everything.

So... I don't know exactly what "to" do yet; I just know that I need to do "something" I will follow God each day, and try to do what He wants me to each day, and understand that He may have different plans for me from day to day and year to year.

I know this sounds very generic. I appologize for that, but I really can't elaborate any more than I have. Basically I feel like I have been on this path with God, and not only have I come to a fork in the road, but I'm not even sure that He wants me to take 1 road OR the other... I feel drawn down both paths, and both seem right. Both are easier in some ways and harder in some ways. Both involve serving God. And to be honest, I think God may even be leading me through the woods in the middle of the two paths... and I am just not sure how it will work out. But I know He will be with me, and I pray that I will hear him correctly and do what He wants me to do; even if it costs me something (and by the way - both directions WILL cost me something).

But for today, I have at least one clear answer - it is "Time To Stand For What Is Right!"

AFTER writing this post, I went to my igoogle page, and here was my verse for today, so I came back and put it in here:

“Trouble and distress have come upon me, but your commands are my delight.”
Psalm 119:143

waiting to hear

This may not make sense because I can't write specifics... but I am frustrated this morning.

Sometimes, I know that God is at work on something in my life; but I don't know all the specifics. I wish I could hear clearly from God today. I don't know whether He wants me to stand up and fight for what is right, or wait patiently on Him. I think there is a time for both - a time to fight for what is right, and a time to simply wait on God.

How does God speak to me??? Sometimes slowly and quietly.

Did I mention I'm not the best at waiting paitently.

God, I know you are in complete control at all times... I also know that you have given us a free will, and sometimes people's choices due to free will lead to circumstances that are not good. Father, you know my heart, you know my request; and you know the answer that I don't. I will never understand some things, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are on Your Throne, and all things are possible through you. I love you Lord. Please help me to know what you want me to do, and please do what I can't do or shouldn't do to let You finish Your will and get all the glory and praise. Amen

When is a little "push" OK?

I have been thinking about this post for a while. Just haven't gotten around to writing it. Not that you needed, or care to know that ;)

Since the twins were toddlers we have let them wrestle around. It was really cute at first. I remember a church camping trip one time when they were about 2, and they wrestled and everyone laughed as Lauren tackled her brother... they got so dirty we had to give them a bath outside - they enjoyed it, and evidentally it was entertaining to us.

Then when they were around 4 we were visiting family in Alabama, and Lauren told Tyler and her (then) 7 year old (much bigger than her) cousin that they were "going down"... and they did go down. She ran down the hill and tackled them both. Again... very entertaining. No one was hurt, and no ones feelings were hurt. So... all was good.

Well, here we are now; the twins are 6 1/2 and although Lauren outweighs her brother by about 2 pounds, and Tyler is not much more than skin and bones... he is definately starting to have an edge on her. We knew this time would come; and to be honest, she kinda has it coming. Now... Tyler is the most kind-hearted kid you will ever meet, and he would not intentionally hurt her for anything in the world. But we have had 3 incidents in the past 2 weeks where Lauren has gotten bumped on the same spot on her head. It wouldn't bother me so much, but all 3 times were pretty big bumps; and all on the same spot.

So... I laid down the law - "NO MORE WRESTELING"! I have to say they have listened pretty well, there have been no injuries, and no major wresting has gone on, but there have been little pushes here and there. Sometimes out of frustration, sometimes when playing, etc. We (like most families) work daily on using words to solve problems (maybe not your kids, but my kids have to be taught these skills, they definately were not born with them - lol) As for the playing around part, I know they will not completely stop wrestling, and to be honest, it has been a way that they have played for years, and within limits, I don't know that I see anything wrong with it. They have fun, it gets out energy, and it's just their thing they do. But it is hard to know where to draw the line to keep them from getting hurt, and to keep it playful vs when someone gets their feelings hurt.

The jury is still out on this one... I'll have to let you know later what happens :)

I also wonder when a little push is too much in homeschool work. Sometimes when they say "I can't do this" and I push them a little, they end up learning the task, finishing the work, and feeling proud of themselves for accomplishing something they thought they couldn't do. Sometimes when I push them, they end up crumbled on the floor crying in frustration. And I have no idea what the outcome will be. Usually there are several factors that determine the outcome - how hard the task is, the mood of the child that day and time, how long we have already been doing work, etc. So again, I think a little push is sometimes needed, but hard to know when to push and when to wait, or even when stop and try a different approach.

Madi and I had the chance to go to Seaworld by ourselves a couple of weeks ago. She KNEW what was going to happen. She started saying before we even got there "you are going to make me ride a roller coaster, aren't you". When we walked inside the park, I said you can pick which 1 (they only have 2), but you are going to ride 1 of them with me today. When Madi was 4 she was tall enough to ride a roller coaster at Busch Gardens that makes 2 upside down loops, and she LOVED it!!! Then there were a few years where we didn't go to the parks at all, and she developed a fear of them over those few years. So for the 2nd time this year, I made her ride Kraken with me. Last time she was pretty scared, but ok at the end. This time, she relaxed more, although still not happy with me, and when we left the park she quietly said "I want to ride that roller coaster next time we come" LOL SO... a little push (although it sounds mean to some) worked and was what she needed to overcome her fear and enjoy something that her mommy and daddy will likely make her do lots of as she grows up (we love roller coasters).

And last; I wasn't going to use this as my first example of how God speaks to me... but it just fits here with the title of "push" so I will use it. Sometimes God has used friends to lovingly "push" me back to where I need to be. There is more than 1 time God has done this, but 1 in particular; a "push" by loving friends, guided by God was the only, or at least best way for God to speak to me; because I was too weak to walk the right way on my own. So sometimes God has used other people to speak for Him to me, sometimes gently, sometimes with a little push that was much needed.


So the moral for today's story - "go push someone" LOL :)

How does God speak to you?

That is what I was asked this morning by a lady I had just met. I smiled, because to me that is one of the best ways of sharing God; by telling what He has done in my life. It is personal, people can usually relate, and it is in a way that is real and comprehendable to them. But I have to say I can't remember any other time that someone has asked me that question. It was kind of odd. She had made the comment to me that she was where God wanted her to be and doing what God wanted her to do. After hearing that and assuming she was a Christian, I asked her what church she went to... the conversation didn't go much further than that before she asked me "How does God speak to you".

Let me back up to this morning for a minute; my daily Bible verse from Biblegateway.com was this:
"God's voice thunders in marvelous ways;He does great things beyond our understanding. He says to the snow "fall on the earth," and to the rain shower "be a mighty downpour." Job 37:5-6

When I read that verse this morning, I thought to myself... I really like that, and I will add it to my favorite Bible verse page. Then after my interaction with this lady, I opened my computer up and there was that verse right in front of me "God's voice thunders in marvelous ways"

Madison told me this morning that every time she turns around today, she keeps seeing Jeremiah 29:11 - it was in her morning bible study, it was on my coffee mug this morning, she found it on a piece of paper while looking for something... I told her "sounds like God is speaking to you" That was before anyone was even awake and moving this morning (except Matt who was already gone to work).

(Warning - do not read this if you do not have Steven Curtis Chapman's new CD and are planning on buying it, and want to see this for yourself)
Then I opened my CD that my wonderful husband brought me yesterday; Steven Curtis Chapman's new CD "beauty will rise". As I opened the case, I saw the CD - it was a copy of the picture he found in his daughter Maria's room the day that she died. Then I took the CD out and behind the CD is a full copy of the picture with the word SEE written as a cloud in the sky. If you remember him telling the story, Maria had drawn a picture of a flower with 6 petals, and had only colored in one of them... on the paper was written the word "see"; to which Steven said she had never written this word before. He heard God telling him through Maria's picture to "See"... to See that she was in Heaven and happy... to see God and His plan. What a POWERFUL way for God to speak to Maria's family through their grief!! It gave me goose bumps to see this picture.

God has spoken to me in so many ways, maybe I will take the next several posts to post examples of different ways and different times God has spoken to me. Sometimes it is like what is described in Job 37; it is loud like Thunder, no mistaking it is God, no mistaking what He wants me to do. Sometimes it is more like a whisper that I have to pay close attention to in order to fully understand. Sometimes it is as if He gives me bits and pieces over time, with the fullness of what He wants me to understand not coming to me for months or even years. Most important - He does speak to me. I have never heard his "voice" but there have been times that I completely understood the exact words or phrase He was giving to me.

I was saved from my sin when I trusted in God through faith - believing without seeing; since then, He has drawn me closer to Him by revealing more of Himself, and more of His plan for my life to me, little bits at a time through "seeing" "hearing" "experiencing" more of God in many different ways.

Jesus, may I hear You when You speak to me, help me to listen and obey. Help me to see when you are at work in my life so that I can follow you and give you the glory for it. When the times come that it seems that I can't find you, don't let me give up on our game of hide and seek... as I seek You, draw me closer to You, and when I find You, pick me up and give me a big hug. Open my eyes that I may see; open my ears that I may hear; open my heart that I may follow you without fear wherever you may lead me.

the kids have a plan

The kids are eating breakfast right now, we are getting ready to start our homeschool day. Tyler was the one who complained first about not wanting to do work today. The first few weeks of school are fun, then they start to complain about having to do the work, but don't want to give up the fun stuff we do. I have told them many times that it is not an option, we HAVE to do school work. They have not seemed to grasp this idea. SO this morning I explained to them that by law they HAVE to go to school - either public, private, or homeschool; and that if they didn't do one of those things I would be breaking the law and they would put mommy and daddy in jail. Their first response was shock, they didn't know it was a law. Then they said "I am gonna do my work, because I don't want mommy or daddy to go to jail" THEN... they have spent the next 10 minutes coming up with a plan in case we DID go to jail - lol. Madi said "Well, we could go live with Pam" and Tyler said "Yeah, Ms. Jen could take us there" Lauren said "she doesn't know the way, but Aunt Jo Jo could come get us" ETC.... I feel so loved - lol.

monkeys, dogs, and homework

When I was about 3 years old I had an imaginary monkey. Don't laugh, at least don't tell me you are laughing at me :) My imaginary monkey was always into something. My dad would make pancakes on Saturday mornings and I would sit on the table and tell him of all the adventures my monkey had been on that week. Well, I have my "own" little monkeys now... especially Tyler. He is always doing something funny, climbing on things, and jumping all around. Look at the picture below, he is always sitting like this, with his feet flat footed. He brushes his teeth, eats his breakfast, plays with his toys, and even climbs on the counter to see the t.v. from the kitchen and sits like this. My little monkey - he is so funny. His laugh is contagious!! He started playing "would you rather" with his daddy tonight; and Matt asked him, with Lauren sitting beside Tyler, would you rather go to the dentist or play with your sister. He cocked his head, leaned on his hand as if thinking and said... "Hmmmm... that IS a tough one" LOL!!! Then he started giggling and said "play with Lauren" He is SOOOOOOOOOOO much his daddy's child!!!





I have always loved animals, especially horses and dogs. Our dog, Duke, is 1/2 Rottie and 1/2 Lab; and he was my first baby :) He is the best dog ever!! So good in fact, that I guess the kids decided to try to get him to do their homeschool work ;)




On a different note - Matt, the baby, and I all have a stomach virus. NOT fun at all!! Especially when there are things we Have to do and can't really just relax. Hoping to feel better tomorrow!!

yesterday, today, and tomorrow

Yesterday:
I had an emotional day. Being a foster parent means facing some emotional situations. There are family visits, falling in love with kids - not knowing how long they will be with you or to whom they will eventually live with forever (birth family, relative, adoptive family, etc), getting to know the birth parents & often becoming friends with them (or at least a friendly relationship), etc. Sometimes there are circumstances that cause your heart, your mind, and your soul to seem to go in different directions. And as a foster parent you are the most involved with the child, yet have the least say in what is best for the child, or making long term decisions for them.

My new foster baby had a visit yesterday, and it was emotional (as all foster care visits are for me).

Then at church last night I was talking to a guy at church who is a police officer. He was telling us that he had his first experience with taking a child away from their birth family with the child protective investigator there and the State ordering the child removed. He said as he reached for the baby, and walked towards his patrol car, he was fighting back tears. That just really complicated my emotions regarding foster care even further.

Here's the thing, emotions can't control your life. They change from day to day, from 1 point of view to another. So what I have to do is keep my emotions in check without letting my emotions disappear; because if/when I get to the point of it NOT affecting me emotionally - If I don't care anymore... then I don't need to do foster care anymore.

Then, last night after church I was driving to Jen's house, and the interview/story about embryo adoption with Dr. James Dobson was on the radio that God used to speak to my heart telling me that embryo adoption was His plan for Matt and I. Of course it was a re-run; I actually read the interview online 7 1/2 years ago. Hearing that was emotional in a way that I can't really explain... happy, reminiscant, and other stuff I just can't put into words.

When I left Jen's house headed home, the interview was ending and they were talking about tomorrow's broadcast which was on... "foster care and adoption".

Then as I pulled into my driveway, Dennis Reiney was talking about the "golden years" of childhood; the years he says is between kindergarden up to puberty. This has been a topic in our house lately too. When we decided to take a break from foster care for a while, this was one of the many reasons. The twins are 6 and Madi is 9. Now is the time that we really want to be able to "go" and "do" with them, to really enjoy spending time with them.

So where does that leave me?? I think right where I started. ;)

TODAY:
Jen sent me an article that basically was saying:
Satan attacks us with confusion (and God is not an author of confusion). He points out troubles in our lives and in the world around us and leads us into a confused state of mind, not knowing where to go or what to do next; sometimes blaming God for the bad that we see happening. And it ended saying that we should "put on the breastplate of righteousness and know that we will not always have the answers, but we can KNOW that the God who cares for us is in control and has our highest interests at heart. When you hold onto that your heart is protected from despair, even if your mind struggles to comprehend what is happening. You can live at peace, even if you don't know all the answers."

(let me talk to Jen for a minute... you were right on with sending this to me today. I know you, and I know that with what I am about to say you are going to think that maybe you shouldn't have sent it, or that I am offended, etc. That is NOT what I mean, if it comes out sounding that way. I think God meant for me to read that today, and He used you as my friend to send it to me... I am just still processing it and analyzing it like I do with everything - lol)

OK, there is a lot of truth in that article. First, we/I have NO control over anything that happens, despite the fact that I struggle daily with trying to remain in control of most things in my life. That is by far my biggest downfall. And anyone who knows me at all can probably see that I am always trying to fix problems, make people happy, do the right thing, etc... but there are SOOOO many times when I can work until I fall down (and just about did at the end of yesterday) but it doesn't mean that I have any more control over situations or life than if I just freely let God lead every minute of my day. I understand that I like to have control and that I can never really have control, so it is a useless waste of my time and energy. I understand that God is all powerful, loving, knows my best interest, and is completely in control. And I am SOOOOOOO glad that He is!!! I also understand that sometimes "bad" situations can be used by God for His glory and turned into wonderful things. I do not understand why he lets things be done in that way instead of just doing them in a good way to begin with, but He is God and I am NOT. :) For instance "my" plans would have been for me to get to be pregnant with Madison instead of her birth mom who didn't make wise choices while pregnant with my daughter that will have some life long effects on her; BUT... God has a reason, a plan, and Madi is an angel, and I am just thankful that He gave her to me; no matter how He chose to do that.

TOMORROW:
What will I do about all of this??? I don't know. Ask God ;)
I have family and friends (many, not just 1 or 2) that think it is in my best interest to follow through with our original plan to not do foster care anymore, because of the time and energy it takes. I do not blame them for thinking that. I know that they honestly have my best interest at heart, because they love me.

Matt and I have talked and to be honest, we have a direction we both "think" God is leading us in (to remain with foster care, especially for our little guy we have right now). For now, I think that is what He wants from me. But I also know that there will always be a tomorrow with new opportunities, challenges, and journeys that God wants us to go on. I will simply have to keep praying until I know for sure what God wants from me.

Here is where I kinda disagree with the article... when it basically says that if we trust God with the details of our life, then we may not know what is going on but our hearts will be protected from despair. I disagree. God never promises that our hearts will be protected from despair, even if we trust Him 100% with every detail of our lives. I felt despair when Logan left, because I truly loved her as my own child. I felt despair the 7 years prior to getting to experience pregnacy. I felt despair when we were told that we could adopt Madi and then 3 Fridays in a row they called to say it was postponed "1" more time.

Where I am now... I know I need to trust God more with the details, and not try to control them myself; I freely admit that ;) But I also feel like even "giving" all these circumstances to God, and not knowing the answers yet as to what He has for me in the future - my heart is still not protected from despair. And I don't think God calls us to always protect our hearts... if we did, there would be no missionaries, no foster parents, no adoptive parents, no parents at all, no pastors, no youth pastors, no friends, etc. All of life is at risk of getting our hearts hurt; but some of God's most noble tasks require us to put our heart on the line and then to serve Him until the time He chooses to reveal the ending situation.

The question is "Am I too tired to continue putting my heart out on "this" line"?
For now... the risk is worth it to me.

And all of that is just related to foster care - lol. I still have issues with being overprotective of my kids, dealing with an over busy life, and my lifelong journey of trying to be where God wants me to be, doing what He wants me to be,as the person that he wants me to be. Another day, we will address those - lol.


On a different note - quickly, I promise (maybe).
1. Jen and Phillip, seriously, thank you for being our friends. You truly are a blessing from God.
2. I have to tell you a few funny things from yesterday:

1. Matt's 8th graders got in trouble in class, so he put them in assigned seats. So they retalliated!! They gave him the silent treatment - LOL, how funny is that. He said at the end of class he was telling them how good and quiet they had been. WHAT were they thinking???
2. We were at the church getting ready for dinner last night, and Jen was walking towards the offices and there is a podium (sp?) that has been sitting there for a few weeks now; well we didn't know that Tyler was hiding inside it, and Tyler didn't know that Jen was walking towards him. Right as she got beside it, Tyler started moving it towards her. ROFL!!!!!! She screamed and jumped. It was truly funny!


If anyone is still reading this, I am impressed - lol. Have a great day, and please share any thoughts you have on the trusting God/protecting heart thing.

great night out

Had a great night out with my hubby tonight. He had his first "real" job as a photographer; taking pictures of a class reunion. We made some extra $ which always helps, we got to eat a WONDERFUL meal, we had time without the kids (during dinner we got to sit by ourselves), and they played 80's music all night. It was FUN!!! Not to mention taking pictures was fun. I still don't understand all that Matt does - I just do the paperwork and some editing; but it is something we are starting to do and enjoy together - that and riding motorcycles :)

Fears

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7).

I received that this morning as 1 of my 2 Bible verses I get daily. It was very fitting for my thoughts today; well really any day, but especially today. I freely admit I am a fearful person (of certain things and situations). But when you get down to it; most everyone is scared of "something". I think I am just more willing to admit my fears ;)

I hear a lot of parents saying "don't do that, you will get an eye poked out; or you will fall and get hurt, etc. My kids - they (although socially not acceptable to most people) are allowed to jump off the couch, jump on the bed (it's funny when friends come over to play with Ty and he says "lets go jump on the bed, when I walk by, the other kid always stops and looks at me with wide eyes to see if they are in trouble - lol). I have let my kids slide down stairs on plastic box tops (looked like fun), I encourage them to ride roller coasters; you get the picture.

What I am scared of with my kids: falling in a pool (although we did make significant progress with swimming this summer), being bitten by a shark in the ocean, being eaten by an alligator if I let them get too close to the Lakes (we do have lots of alligators and alligators like little kids - bite size I guess), and my all time biggest fear - someone kidnapping them. So how does that inhibit our lives - I don't let them go outside unless I can see them, when we go to the beach (and that isn't often even though we are only an hour or so away) I much prefer they play in the sand than in the water... and if they are in the water I am pretty nervous until they get out, and when we go to the parks that have lakes and all the other parents are taking their kids to the waters edge to see the alligators... I tell mine to stay away. And the biggest thing is I sometimes lose sleep because of either dreamining something bad will happen to them, or going to check on them in the middle of the night, or allowing the twins to get in our bed and Madi in our floor when they ask, because I feel better knowing they are closer to me.

Now...let me remind you before you all tell me how silly and untrusting of God I am being ;)
1. I am diagnosed with and on medication for anxiety and depression - so that does NOT help AT all!! 2. I am being honest with you, if you all search your soul there is probably something that you have an irrational or over exagerated fear about too. 3. I talk to God about my fears almost every day, I have overcome some of them over the years, some I am still working on, and some I really struggle with.

Looking at my list of fears, I realize 2 things:
1 - my biggest fears are related to something happening to my children. Any parent, well let me rephrase that (I do foster care, remember) MOST parents love their children and are naturally protective of them, and would be devastated if something bad happened to them. My fear, in my opinion, goes beyond the norm. I think that is for 2 reasons - 1. I struggle with anxiety and fear anyway, and 2. I waited and prayed for my kids for a LOOOOOONG time!! When you wait and long for something, anything, including children for a long time, it can make you more protective (in my opinion).

2 - my fears are all things that I "feel" or really do not have any control over. Being a nurse, I don't care so much when my kids get a boo boo. If they get hurt, I can most likely fix it; and if not, we will go to the ER or doctor and get it fixed and in the end, they had fun jumping off the couch or sliding down the stairs, etc. But I can't control someone hurting or taking my children when I am not around. So I tend to keep them with me most of the time and only let them go to someone's house if I REALLY trust them.

Situations in our life lately, that I really can't share on here, have made me more concious, more aware, more protective of my kids safety. I woke up this morning with that on my mind. When I checked my email and saw the Bible verse at the top of this page, I felt like maybe God was speaking that to me. I went to Biblegateway.com to look up the context of the verse (always do that, sometimes if you take 1 part of a verse it can sound like one thing, but mean another). So here is what I found:

5 I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also. 6 For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. 7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

8 So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God,

This verse is really talking about sharing God's love and Word with people without fear.

Having said that... I also know that God gave me my children. They are His first, and mine second. God protected Ty and La when they were frozen in an infertility clinic, he protected Madi through some horrible circumstances surrounding her birth mother's pregnancy and birth. He knew before the beginning of time that they were my children, and he knows what each day holds for them. He has answered my prayers and all 3 of them have devoted their lives to Him. God loves them more than I do. They are only temporarily mine, and forever His. He is always there, even when I am not. I KNOW all of this, and yet I struggle. I struggle with wanting to protect them and keep them safe ALL the time; but I know that as time goes by I have to learn to let them go more and more, because that is the way God meant for it to be. For me to teach them to be independant, to love God, to make wise choices, and then to let them explore this world on their own.

But for now, at 6,6, and 9... with real and possible threats;I will continue to pray and ask God to help me trust Him more, and try to protect when God wants me to, and let them fail when God wants me to, and Trust Him when I have no control - OR when He wants me to hand over control to Him.

"forgive up"

Lauren has been trying to say "I give up" but instead, she says "I forgive up" I thought that was cute! I am just so amazed at how Ty and La's lives have really changed sice they accepted Christ. They still get in trouble, they are still hyper, but their love has grown tremendously, compassion, and a sense of right and wrong much stronger than they had before. And all this without my prompting. :)

Psalm 40:8

“I desire to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.”

written on the walls

My 2 favorite musical artists are Todd Agnew and Nichole Nordeman. Todd Agnew has a new CD out, and my wonderful hubby bought it for me yesterday. One of the songs is really speaking to me right now. Part of the chorus says:

"The sound of this world is deafening
And I'm havin a hard time listening
And I wish your will
Was still written on the wall"

Matt often uses the illustration while preaching of God playing "hide and seek" with us... God hides, and He wants us to look for Him, to search for Him, and to FIND Him! When we search for Him, we draw closer to Him; and when we FIND Him, He scoops us up and dances with us in His arms with joy.

Sometimes when I am looking for God, I have a hard time listening, because the sound of this world is deafening - there are so many "other" voices, noises, distractions that make it more difficult to "find" God or His will. "I wish your will was still written on the wall" I feel like that tonight. I enjoy the closeness that comes from the search for God; but sometimes, like tonight, I just wish I could see clearly the writing on the wall, without distractions - to know exactly what God wants me to do, what He wants me to back off from, when He wants me to speak, and when He wants me to be quiet; when He wants me to "do" and when He wants me to wait patiently.

Whether it is writing on the wall, a whisper in my ear, a comment from a friend, or a unique way that God chooses to speak to me; I am simply glad that He chooses to speak to me - even if not in my own way or my own timing.

2%

Madi was going to make Mac-N-Cheese tonight. Matt had homecoming tonight, and I didn't want to cook.

She came to me with a puzzled look on her face and the measuring cup in her hand; she said "I can't find 2% on the measuring cup... it says to use 2% milk" LOL

Once again, who is her teacher?? Guess we need to focus more on measurement in math!

Also, I have figured out 1 positive thing to having a child/children with ADHD... if they ask you a question you really don't want to answer, just wait about 5 seconds and they will already be on to something else and have forgotten about their question :)

And if anyone has any suggestions with obsessive compulsive behavior in children; please let me know. I am planning on making Ty an appt. soon with a counselor. I don't want him to take meds unless ABSOLUTELY necessary. I just wish I knew how to handle his meltdowns and frustrations better. 1 Good thing about a child with OCD, they (at least in this case) don't get in trouble often, because they obcess with doing the right thing. Still not good for them, but does make some aspects easier.

What can happen in 5 days

It has been 5 days since I posted, so i thought i would give you an update on what has happened the past 5 days:

1. New foster baby has been pretty sick and in hospital - finally have him home now :)

2. Tyler and Lauren finally answered questions right and prayed and asked Jesus to forgive them of their sins, and said they want to be baptised. Matt was sitting there, but just kept working on his paperwork - while really listening. The kids LOVE their daddy!! VERY much so! They are not scared of him at all, so I have NO idea why they froze up when talking to him about this?? Anyway, they did it all on their own - they understand, they prayed, they asked for forgiveness, and they asked to be baptised. :) :) :)

2b. One thing they are terrified about (and most adults are too when they encounter this time of their life) - they are scared about walking down the isle to talk to daddy about being baptised, and then the people watching them be baptised. SO... I don't know if this is spiritually acceptable or not, probably not the best... BUT I kinda bribed them (Pam, this is why I tried to call you yesterday - lol). I told them that when they are baptised that Pam and Brittany will most likely come see them :) (Pam - we will work with your schedule; and sorry I used you without asking you - lol) So now they are still nervous, but more excited about Pam and Brit coming that they aren't thinking about all the people looking at them. That may not be extremely ethical, but if that is the worst thing I do today, I'll be doing good :) All I did was try to take their attention off of their fear of being looked at by all those people.

3. Went shopping for fall festival outfits, and discovered that my 9 year old is getting VERY close to being a teenager - in attitude even if not in age :0

4. Found some new herbal supplements, etc. that are REALLY helping with Lauren's ADHD. I am very happy about it because I did not want her on meds because she already has tummy issues. It is not as extreme of a change as i see with madi and her meds, but it is enough to help her focus on schoolwork and not get in trouble as much; as well as get along better with her brother and sister. :)

5. Wednesday... let me just tell u about Wed. I went to the church to make dinner and then the following happened in a matter of an hour... I knocked my glass of mello yello (by the way do u have mello yello where u live? It is everywhere in Al, north FL, GA, etc... but in central and south FL it is very hard to find. So I don't get it that often, and it is my FAVORITE! Matt found some the other day and bought me 3 12 packs - he is so good!!) Anyway, I knocked my glass of mello yello off the counter, shattered the glass and spilled a full glass of sticky soda ALL over the kitchen floor (15 min. before people were to arrive for dinner). Jen got there and mentioned the french fries, and I realized that I had forgotten them for the 2nd time (happened at one other meal) in the deep freezer. We started them on 450, bumped it up to 500, and eventually turned it on broil; and carried them around to the people while they were eating. I was late getting the coffee started, and don't know what I did wrong (I fix coffee every wed. night) but their were grains all in the reg. coffee, not in the decaf thank goodness. Went to fix the kids a plate, forgot I had water running in the sink, came back to find a flood. Made sloppy joes for dinner and put 1/4 ground beef and 3/4 ground chicken because we have quite a few people that can't tolerate red meat well. 1/2 way through dinner a lady comes up and asks me how I made the sauce, as I'm telling her, she looks scared and says "I am allergic to chicken" ARGHHH!! Oh my GOODNESS!!! I go check on her, she is lookin kinda scared, holding her throat some, etc. So I RAN to the house, gave her 3 benadryl and an albuterol inhaler in case she needed it. She ended up being alright. Thank you Jesus!!!

6. I have a REALLY funny story about Tyler, but also really gross, and Matt said I can't write it on here; BUT if you email me, I will tell you :)

That's not even 1/2 of what all happened, but gotta go now. Thankful I have my little baby back home, and thankful I didn't kill anyone with my dinner on Wed.!!

"Who Is Jesus"

Well, Matt talked to the twins about their prayer the other night. I was sitting in here too, but was trying to be quiet and let Matt talk to them, and ask his own questions to them. Well, he talked to Tyler first; and Tyler answered all of the questions with a clear understanding and his words showed his love for God. Then... Matt asked him "what is sin" and Ty answered "bad" (he went on to answer more in depth correctly"; and Matt said "so who needs forgiveness of sin" to which Ty promptly answered "you and mommy". LOL and oh my goodness, that stinkin little boy!! He then got extremely silly and it was pointless to continue the conversation, so we will go at his pace (and I am satisfied that he loves God and understands salvation very well for a 6 year old).

Then it was Lauren's turn. Matt started with "Who is Jesus", to which she replied "I don't know" ARGH!!! Matt asked her again, "Lauren, who is Jesus", she looked at him funny and said in a questioning tone of voice "Moses". I could NOT be quiet anymore. I reminded her that she knew who Jesus was the day before, (as well as a lot of other important facts). But it was pointless, she continued to insist that she didn't know who Jesus was. So we will talk to her at her own pace as well (again, I am certain that she loves God, and despite her answer, that she DOES know who Jesus is, and has a clear understanding of salvation for a 6 year old.)

Then, while Lauren was still sitting there, Madi walks by. This is the child who has witnessed to people in doctor's office waiting rooms, friends who have come over to play with her, etc. Matt says "Madi, Who is Jesus"? She shrugged her shoulders and said "I don't know" AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

What was going on with them that night?!?!

So... this morning at church, Jen says to Lauren "Tell Mr. Phillip what you did the other night, about your prayer. Lauren repeats to them all the right answers she had said to me the other day.

I don't know what their deal was the other night, but it was funny in a very frustrating kind of way. I am not upset about it, because I know that they do know who Jesus is. Tyler and Lauren have said since they were about 2 or 3 that Jesus died on the cross, then 3 days later "he woke up". Now at 6, they add that He died for our sins on the cross, and both have talked about how we couldn't go to Heaven if Jesus hadn't died for our sins. They know He is the son of God, they know He died for our sins, and that He rose from the dead. They say EVERY day that they love God. They are starting to be offended by things that contradict God and His word (like shows on t.v., things we see out in stores - especially here at halloween). So, all that matters is that God know their hearts and that they love Him, and they talk about how Jesus is God and how He died on the cross, and "woke up" 3 days later. Not to mention they are only 6, so I am completely happy with where they are spiritually right now. But I am frustrated with the little boogers for playing like that didn't have a clue about anything when their daddy tried to talk to them!!

Grrrrrrrrr!

Twins Again

I would guess (didn't look it up on Webster's) that the definition of "twins" is 2 children born at the same time, by the same parent (mother). Well, Tyler and Lauren were born "again" tonight to the same Father, our One and Only Heavenly Father!! :)
So they are twins again - born at the same time in 2003, and again tonight; 10/1/2009.

The Bible says "believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and you will be saved". Tyler and Lauren have believed that Jesus is Lord for a while now, and they have grown in their love for God over the past year or 2. They have said almost every day for the past year "I love God"... so technically, they have fulfilled that verse before tonight. But tonight was definately Spirit led. Tyler and Lauren were wound up (they always get wound up around 4:00 and stay wired until they go to sleep - we can't figure it out). Matt had gone to take pictures (Doni - this was his first newborn shoot; I will have to send you ((and Tammy)) pics soon). We were sitting at the table eating dinner (cereal, as sad as that is - daddy wasn't home and mommy didn't feel like cooking, and cereal is their favorite; so why not - lol. All of a sudden they both got quiet and still and Lauren said "How do we go to Heaven" I know she meant how do we physically get there; but Matt and I had already discussed a few days ago that it might be time to start talking a little bit more to them about sin, salvation, etc. So, I answered some of their questions and they both said "I love God, I love Jesus, I want to go to Heaven, and I want to be baptized". :) :)

We will talk to them some more because of their age, but I am confident that they understood their decision and meant it. Lauren has talked about it all night. She couldn't wait to tell Daddy when he got home.

Happy momma tonight :)

Not Alone

I joke frequently that Jen and I need to be together to accomplish something. We just help each other when we have "blonde moments", "duh moments" - whatever you want to call it. I think I have them more than Jen, so she helps me more... well I think I needed you this morning, Jen. I was making the baby a bottle. I usually make individual bottles, put them in the fridge, and warm them up when I need them. Well, last night I decided to try making a day's worth in a large container and just pour it in the bottle when I need it. (I have done it both ways with previous foster babies in the past, but the majority of my foster babies have been G-Tube fed, not bottle fed). And it has been a LONG time since I have had to get up with a baby in the middle of the night... I also usually have a nurse to care for the babies while I am asleep; b/c most of the foster babies I get have major medical issues and require 24 hour monitoring. Anyway... back to this morning... I use the playtex disposable bottles, you know the kind you have to put the liner in. Well, while making the first bottle this morning,I decided to pour QUICKLY, b/c last night whenever I poured the formula into the bottle I made a mess - it just didn't pour right. So, my plan was to pour quickly to try and avoid the mess. So, I turned the container up, pouring quickly, only to discover that I forgot to put a liner in the bottle. So ALL that formula that I was pouring "quickly" to "avoid a mess" ended up all over the counter. ARGHHH!

Every now and then I like to have a few hours to myself, to be alone, to enjoy quiet. But for the most part, I do not like to be alone. I enjoy people's company - well most people - lol. I could write several pages on how Matt and I work together in almost every area of our lives to help each other. My children help me too, and of course I help them. Even Ty and La who are only 6 have chores and repsonsibilites, and we focus on helping each other because we are a family. Sometimes we give them some $$ for helping, sometimes we take them for a special treat, and sometimes we don't give them anything but just remind them that we help each other because we love each other.

Life is much easier when we are not alone. Immediate family is not the only way to have companionship, help, friendship, love, etc. Church should be, and sometimes is, a place where we can meet our human need for friendship, love, and help.

I don't know about your house, but at mine, we don't always succeed at loving each other unconditionally or uplifting one another. We try, but we sometimes fail.

Right now we have a few scripture verses placed around the house, but the one that is in plain view for the kids; and was written and decorated by Madi, is "Do everything without complaining or arguing" Phillipians 2:14

I think I am going to add another one today. I get a daily verse sent to me by Biblegateway.com, todays verse was this:

Philippians 1:9-10

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ,”

I may have to look it up in the Message version, that was NIV, or simplify it for the kids... but when I pray for them each night, I always say "I pray that we would love You (GOD) with all of our hearts, and serve you with our lives" This verse says what my heart means to say, but much better - perfect actually :)

I pray that we would all grow in love - that our LOVE would abound more and more (never stop growing) in knowledge (learning about God, reading the Bible, studying His Word) and depth of insight (to me - that is what God gives to us as we grow closer to Him, He helps us to see more clearly "His" ways), the depth of our insight into God and all that He is and does should never stop growing either. Then we are able to discern what is best (we can't do that on our own - we need God to help us; and growing in our knowledge and relationship with Him helps us to do that.) Then we are always moving closer to the goal of being pure and blameless before Christ, ultimately accomplishing that on the "day of Christ" whether we die and go to Heaven, or He returns to get us (whichever happens first).

My goal for my family (and church family)) is that we would first of all LOVE more and more, never stop growing in love for each other, our community, and our world. AND that through our LOVE we would grow in knowledge and insight, so that we can know what is best and continue to grow in our love for Christ and for each other until we are pure and blameless before Him.

Having said all of that, even in the minutes of writing this I was confronted with a situation that to tell you the truth... I don't know "how" to love in this situation, because I don't know what the best thing is. So I know that I still need to grow in God's love so that I can grow in Knowledge and Insight to be able to know what is best.

Going back to the "not alone" part... God also uses other people to help us grow along our journey. I am thankful that I have people that I can talk to who are also on their own journey with God; we are not alone, and we can help each other.

If you could...

If you could be on any t.v. show, what would it be, and why?

I would want to be on TLC's "Adoption Stories" but I don't think they would ever do a story that included embryo adoption - even though they have had several gay and lesbian couples on their show before. I feel like we would have lots to say on that show... we have done foster care for 12 years, and adopted 4 kids - 2 through foster care and 2 through embryo adoption.

Other than that, most of my favorite shows are not on the air anymore - Friends, Everybody Loves Raynond. I do like CSI Miami, and Law and Order SVU.

I also would love to see a reality show about foster care. I don't know how they could do that with HIPPA/Privacy Laws, etc... but I would love for the world to see what it is really like. That all foster parents are not horrible, how rewarding it can be, how hard it can be, etc.

Ok... so what would you like to be on??

scripture for my thoughts

Hebrews 10:35-36

“So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”

Penny for my thoughts...

I'd be rich tonight.

Counting my blessings... I am rich, indeed.

My favorite Bible verse:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you" Jer. 29:11
I am glad that God knows the plans He has for me, because I can't keep up with myself.

I am just so overwhelmed with life... with all of the blessings God has given me; seeing Him work in the little things in my life; watching and waiting with anticipation for the plans He is working on in my life right now. Sensing the presence of God, wanting to bask in it - just like the satisfying,peaceful,wonderful feeling of warm sunshine on my skin. Anger and frustration at the world, at sin. Feeling frustration over wanting to change the world for Christ; knowing I am called to do my part in serving Him, but I am helpless to "change" people or "change" bad situations... knowing Christ gave His life for us, and loved us enough to give us the free will to choose for ourselves whether to follow Him or not. Wanting to heal peoples hurts, wanting to make bad situations better, wanting to take away the worries and sadness of people; wanting Christ to return, yet wanting others to change their ways first and wanting to see my children grow up, waiting to see what God does in and with their lives... praying they follow Him whole-heartedly. Wanting to guard my heart, but knowing I have to give it freely to God to do with as He sees fit. Knowing in the end I will be more satisfied than I could have ever imagined. Missing people I love. Wanting to heal hurt relationships. Wanting to hold onto ones in jeopardy. Knowing God holds each of these details of my life in His hands, and He is gently placing each situation right where it needs to be. Loving Him for who He is, wishing I could trust Him more, following Him even when I don't understand. Failing Him, serving Him, trusting Him, holding back from Him, longing for eternity with Him, yet longing to see His plans for me and my loved ones completed here and now in this time.

Lord, I am yours. What I have to offer is not much, but I WANT to follow You. I want to please You. I have a heavy heart for several situations, and I know you see and know my every desire. Help me to trust when I don't understand. Help me remember to thank you for all of the joy I have had in my life lately. Many thoughts, little understanding...all of me Yours - help me to let go when I try to hold on. Loving You, enjoying You, wanting more of You... You know the plans You have for me, hear my heart tonight Lord, hold me in Your arms and hold me tight. Help me to serve you and love you more and more each and every day of my life.

A Tale of Tails continued

Dinosaur clip Matt was talking about in his response to the previous post

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD6dnHtU2n8




and just for laughs... our all time favorite clip from friends:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEfSf-JQ1IQ

A Tale of Tails

First of all, I have to warn you... this post may be offensive or shocking to some people. I am rating it PG13 for some crude language and mildly gross content. ;)

My afternoon:
We had our house alarm installed today, and right after the installer left, we left the house to go meet Matt and go to Sam's - shopping for tomorrow night's church dinner. When we left Sam's the plan was for me to go grab pizza for dinner, because I am still not feeling great (have had flu/cold symptoms off and on for over 2 weeks now), and Matt had to go to the south end of town to pick up some photo's that were ready. Then I had to go put the groceries away in the church, and we were going to meet back at the house. As I was getting in my car after unloading the groceries, it hit me - "what if Matt opens the door, forgetting we got the alarm installed today, and I haven't told him the code yet"
SO... I quickly drove to the house and found him standing at the front door. He waved for me to drive up to the front door because it was raining so much. He helped get the twins out, and Madi and I got the baby out as fast as we could because he has an apnea monitor (which IS electrical) and it was raining.
We make it inside and find out Duke has pee'd inside. This upsets me greatly...not because of the mess, that can be cleaned up easy enough; but Duke will be 12 years old in November, and he is 1/2 Rottweiler & 1/2 Lab, he has pretty much outlived his life expectancy already, and his age is really showing lately. He hasn't had an accident in the house since he was 6 months old. He has gone 24 hours without going to the bathroom because he wouldn't let the guy in that we had arranged to walk him while we were gone one time for a full day. This was just another sign that he is getting old. If you don't know me very well, you don't know how much I love my dog, and if you don't know Duke, you haven't met the sweetest dog EVER. I didn't mean to say so much about that...oh well. anyway - we had a big wet spot in the floor that needed to be cleaned up.
Tyler and Lauren were wound up tight, they were running all over the place. I am trying to get the pee cleaned up and deal with Tyler and Lauren, Matt is looking at the new alarm system and wanting me to tell him the code and show him how it works, etc. etc. I say to Matt "I will be right there, just let me wash my hands first"
So... I go to the kitchen sink to wash my hands and I see a white/pink lizard in the sink. I don't mind baby lizards, I will pick them up. But when they get to a certain size, I would REALLY rather NOT touch them. They move too fast, they look too much like snakes, etc. Madison had already refused to get it, and Matt does not do lizards at all. We have a system... I get out frogs and little lizards, he kills bugs, spiders, and snakes. So I am working up the nerve to catch him. I am standing there, staring at him, waiting for just the right moment, get the courage, ok I can do it - and right as i reach for it Matt screams "GET IT"!! I jumped a mile high, the lizard ran, and I gave Matt an evil look. I find the lizard again and pick it up this time. I can feel it wriggling around in my right hand and i have my left hand underneath to try and hold it. When all of a sudden I see AND FEEL it drop it's tail, it falls to the kitchen floor and runs under the dishwasher, and the tail is still moving in my hand. In the moment, I am completely startled, scared, and feeling ickky - without thinking I say "Oh s**t" with Tyler and Lauren and Madison standing right there. I have to say, I do not normally curse, I promise. And to those church members who read my blog - I am sorry. I am NOT perfect, and this incident proves it. SO... if any of my children should repeat the new word they heard today... I am VERY sorry!!! I look back at Matt and he is trying very hard not to laugh. We never found the lizard. I threw it's tail in the trash. And I pray the lizard doesn't crawl on me while I sleep tonight; and I pray that my children don't pick up on my bad language today :0
Later, I am taking a shower, and come out to see Matt taking a picture of a wasp he killed. He made fun of me for looking scared when he screamed at me while trying to catch the lizard, but I reminded him that he wouldn't even touch the lizard's tail, much less catch the whole thing. So he killed a wasp while I was in the shower, and took pictures of it to show that he was "the man". On his facebook he posted "killed a wasp and saved my family" - lol.
And that was just about 30 minutes of my afternoon today. :)

BTW - the picture at the top is the wasp Matt killed, and the tail of the lizard that I temporarily caught :)

new foster baby

Well, we "were" on a break - lol. But when they called me with a newborn, I did something I have never done before. I said "yes", without even talking to Matt. He was sitting next to me on the couch and when I hung up the phone, I looked at him and said "can we get a baby?" He said "Well it doesn't really matter now, does it" :) He is just as excited as I am though. I can't post face pictures on here, but I thought I would put one up of his feet. I just have to post something :) He is a REAL sweetie!!!! We have all fallen in love already.

By the way, Lauren lost ANOTHER tooth tonight. I will have to post another pic soon :)

blog proved useful

This morning, Tyler and Lauren were arguing; Lauren was saying that the reason she keeps coming to sleep with mommy and daddy in the middle of the night is because tyler puts his hand across her face. I said "I know, but you cuddle with him too... AND if you wake up, just roll over and go back to sleep" Tyler said "I don't put my hand on her when I sleep" And Lauren said "I try to roll over but he keeps moving towards me" SO... I got the pictures out and SHOWED them the proof (see blog from last week for pictures). And I told them how I kept moving Lauren away, so her face wouldn't be covered and SHE kept moving back towards Tyler. 3 times I moved her before I gave up and left them that way (but her face wasn't covered up when I left).
So, there you go... my blog solved an argument this morning, because I had proof :)

Just in case you are wondering why they are sleeping together. I will explain - but not defend. I say that because when we were doing foster care they tried to tell us that because they were over the age of 3 that they had to have sepeate bedrooms (a rule for foster kids, but not supposed to apply to our own kids). Matt and I just feel that this is our personal business. If they were older, it would be different. But,when they told us that, to comply - we moved Lauren into the room with Madison, and gave Tyler his own room. Tyler has a queen size bed, and the girls have bunk beds. That was 2 years ago. We send them to bed in their own rooms/beds and they either cry until we give in; or they wait till we go to bed, then get in the bed with each other. Most of the time, we just tell them that if they will quietly go to sleep they can get in the same bed. Madison even goes in there. They just like to be close to each other. They all sleep with shirts and shorts - Tyler's rule - lol... I would make them anyway, but he tells the girls that they have to have shorts on to sleep in his bed - hee hee. When I was growing up my sister and I slept together until we grew up and moved out of the house. They all just like to be close to each other, and feel safer sleeping in the same room. Some nights one of the girls will end up sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor. The thing is... I like that they are close to each other. Obviously at some point they will all have to stay in their own beds; but for now it just isn't a big issue to us.

Well, gotta go get ready. Matt is off today, and we are having some family time :) I am so excited! We are always so busy, we don't get to have family days very often.