INDESCRIBABLE

If you haven't seen the video by Louie Giglio "Indescribable", you need to see it. It is AWESOME!! It has pictures from space taken by the Hubble Telescope (they are amazing) and Louie talks about how awesome and BIG our God is; and how SMALL we are. I wouldn't do it justice to try to tell you more about it - but if you get a chance, please watch it.

I tend to try to control things myself. I am not a bossy person (at least I don't think I am), but if something is not right, I want to try to fix it. My God is BIG; REALLY, REALLY BIG. And I am NOT. So I need to learn to let HIM control things, since He knows more and sees more than me!

My twins were adopted as frozen embryos, and some people question the worth of frozen embryos because they are SOOOO small, so much "less developed" than grown adults for instance. In the video "Indescribable" there are numerous pictures about how BIG our world is.

In the following picture you will see a small arrow pointing to what looks like a spec of dust - that is EARTH!

SOOO.... How SMALL are we ALL!?!?!? And... How BIG is our God!!! If a person's worth is questioned by their size, or their stage of development, or how "significant" they are in some peoples view... Exactly how big are we? How do we compare in size or develpment compared to the universe?

An embryo is too small to see with the naked eye... A person is too small to see from an airplane high in the sky, the earth is so small it is visible in its entirety to astronauts in space, and the earth is so small that it looks like a spec of dust from farther out in space... and that doesn't even cover all of it! So how can we judge value based on size?? And yet, why would a God capable of creating everything from the tiniest embryo to the biggest galaxy choose to leave Heaven and come to live on this tiny little planet with us tiny little people to die on the cross to save us from ourselves??? Because out of all the amazing things he created, he loves us the MOST!! More than the billions of stars that He formed into amazing artwork, He loves the US - tiny embryos, preborn babies, children with no-one to love them, adults who have made bad choices, elderly people who are looking back on their lives here on earth; God loves us ALL SO much that he left Heaven and lived as a human, died a painful death, and returned to Heaven to wait for us there.

Our God is BIG, REALLY, REALLY BIG!!! And we are NOT. But He loves us anyway. THAT is awesome!!!

The Hubble Space Telescope took a picture of a black hole in the middle of the Whirlpool Galaxy.

That is INDESCRIBABLE!!!!

talking

All day long I have asked my kids to be quiet, and now I am going to ask you to talk to me - lol. It has been very quiet around here lately. I know there are only a handful of people who read my blog. But if you don't mind, let me know what you like, what you don't like, what you want to see more of, etc.

Thanks!! :)

2 funny stories

Madi - Twice this past week someone has called while I was ummmm... sitting on the throne. She informed the person on the phone BOTH times that I was busy in the bathroom!!! I talked to her about proper phone etiquite, but she still said the same thing the second time, so... lesson not really learned. UNTIL... today Matt came home and asked Madi where I was, to which Madi replied "Mommy said it's not nice to tell you where she is" - LOL!!! I was in the bathroom with the door OPEN fixing my hair!!! Somehow she did NOT get the point of that message, lol. Matt came upstairs laughing and said "Umm, Madi said you told her it wasn't nice for her to tell me where you are" - luckily, I had told him about the phone thing earlier in the week. Sheesh!!

Lauren - I have been cutting Tyler's hair for about one year now. Saves a little $$. Well, Matt has never been brave enough to let me cut his, until a month or so ago. I cut it and everyone complimented him on it, so he let me cut it again a few weeks later. So the other day he said to me "I need you to fix this line on my head" He was thinking the line in the fade was too prominant, and wanted me to fix it" I didn't see the line he was talking about, so I am looking real hard, comparing both sides, etc. Lauren chimes in "I see them Daddy, you have lots of lines on your forehead" - ROFL!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, I laughed SO hard!!!!

New verse in the Bible :)

When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn. Psalm 142:3a

OK, so this is NOT a new verse in the Bible, but have you ever read a verse and went "WOW, I didn't know that was there"

When I was in Bible college I took a course on the Old Testament. We had to read through the Old Testament. Now, confession time here, I did read (as in my eyes scanned over the letters and words written), but I did not focus the words written, or the meaning of the letters that God has written to us. (Janis, you know what I'm talking about, right) :)

I read this verse this morning, and went WOW, that is SOOOO awesome!!! I feel overwhelmed often, but especially lately with all of the choices we have to make, and even some choices that other people are making that will affect our lives in a big way.

I have doctors appointments for my medical foster kids at least once a week, and often 2 or 3 times a week; and every time I have to take at least 4 kids with me, sometimes all 5.

In today's economy, I think most people understand financial stress - well that is true around my house... although getting better, finances are an every day discussion and often source of stress.

I homeschool Madi, Ty, and La, we have their standardized testing coming up at the end of the month (in FL homeschool children have to either have a portfolio examined by a licensed teacher, or take a standardized test, I have chosen the test, because it will give me an idea of how they are doing from year to year).

I have 4 kids home with me all day, and to be honest, most of the time I LOVE it!! But there are times that I could really use some "me" time.

I have people from foster care in my house about 8 times each month, so we are always trying to keep the house clean.

Matt works 2 jobs/ministries, AND he is a full time student getting his Masters degree. So he is extremely busy as well.

Tyler plays tee ball and has games and practices.

Then there are field trips and little mission opportunities that I try to do with the kids as much as possible.

I lOVE my life!! I wouldn't change any of it (except maybe it would be nice to have some more time alone with my husband and also some "me" time), BUT we are busy!!

It is SOOO nice to know that when I am overwhelmed, and don't know which way to go, GOD DOES!! I know this, I understand this, but it was awesome to read a verse in the Bible that says exactly that!! I will hide this verse in my heart and hold on to it's promise when I feel overwhelmed!!

growing up

Growing up with foster siblings has its advantages and disadvantages. Madi and Lauren have always loved playing with their baby dolls. In fact, it is the only thing that both of them play with on a regular basis. They are growing up so much... Madi is SUCH a big help to me, and Lauren has even grown up some and is loving on our new little one every day and helping me as much as she can. It is hard on the kids at times, there are lots of dr. appts and people in and out of the house... I can see where it could easily cause them to resent the fact that we do foster care, but instead, they both are right there beside me, waiting to give a hug or a kiss, or to offer a helping hand to mommy. Thank you Madi and Lauren for all that you do to help mommy, I am proud of you!!

I don't mean to leave Tyler out, as a boy, he is just different. He isn't interested in helping me with the little ones as much, but he gives them a kiss every day, he is SO loving. He just goes with the flow, and loves everyone all the time. He is SUCH a sweetheart, with a heart as big as the world. Love you, my little man.

Life

One of my favorite jobs ever was when I worked in a newborn nursery at a small hospital. I would not only care for the babies in the nursery after they were born, but also attended the births to receive the babies after their birth to weigh them, do their footprints, and of course do an assessment and give any care needed. I loved that job, because I love babies. And it was fun seeing all these families rejoice over life.

I took Madi to a Holocaust Museum today. She is a little young to really process it all, but she did learn that lots of innocent people were killed. It was heartbreaking to see the pictures of men, women, and children who were killed. It was hard to imagine that it took so long for the torture and killings to end - why didn't someone put a stop to it sooner?! One of the last exhibits we saw was a wall with photos of people who risked their own lives to save the lives of others.

The value of all life is an issue that is close to my heart to begin with, but this past week I have been reminded that the fight for ALL to have the Right to Life is far from over. First, I grieved over the reversal of the ban on federal funding of embryonic stem cell research. Then, I have had a hard time getting my newest foster daughter all of the medical equipment that she needs, and I have heard the phrase "we just want to make her as comfortable as possible"; simply because "on paper" her diagnosis makes her look as if she is doomed for the worst, when in reality she is capable of doing much more. Then today, visiting the holocaust museum broke my heart for all of those victims, as well as stirring the desire in my heart to continue the fight for innocent life.

Abortion, embryonic stem cell research, discarding left over embryos; mentally and physically infants and children abandoned by their parents or taken away for safety and legal reasons, then put into nursing homes and long term care facilities; mentally and physically handicapped people of all ages not receiving all that they could because someone in charge decides it isn't worth it; children in foster care deserving loving, stable homes passed from one home to the next without anyone taking the time to care OR having to live at a state office somewhere for days or weeks because there aren't enough foster homes to take them in; children living on the streets; mothers harming their unborn babies by using drugs or alcohol; children living in homes where they are abused every day, tortured physically, emotionally, sexually; adults AND kids hurting and killing others; people mistreated for being different; the list goes on... and that is just here in our "safe" country we call home, with "life and liberty for all".

I don't mean to sound pessimistic. This is just reality. I have been through a wide range of emotions this week, sometimes with them overlapping. Helpless, frustrated, angry, hurt, depressed, sad, mad, and even thankful - thankful that God has blessed me with a country where I am free and my children are free; blessed me with children that I love with all of my heart; blessed me with my husband, whom I love more than words can say, that not only loves me and our children - but also loves all of our foster children and is willing to go through all of the difficulties that foster care brings.

I feel helpless when I can't save the lives of thousands, millions of preborn babies and embryos frozen in time. I thank God that He blessed me with the opportunity to save and adopt 2 frozen embryos, and to adopt 1 baby and 1 child from foster care. I thank God that at least several babies lives have been spared because of Matt and I speaking to young people about life in the womb, although I wish many more could be spared. I get angry when my abilities to help a child in my care are limited because of "the way things are done". I am sad and become depressed when I think of all the children that are being abused or killed each day. I rejoice when I hear the laughter from my backyard that is full of children, all of whom at some point in their life would have been judged by others as not worthy of life.

I got a call tonight from a state social worker asking me if I would consider taking in a toddler. My response to her was "I don't have any spots open". I couldn't just say "no", and if she had said, oh - don't worry about it, we'll let you be 1 over; I would be sitting here with a new baby tonight. But she said "thank you anyway, we will keep looking".

My heart aches for humanity. If only we could all see that we are all made in God's image. We are all beautiful and hand picked to be put here in this place in this time by God for a purpose. If only we could all value each other and love each other the way that God created us to live and love.

I know that this is "my" passion that God has given to me. God gives each of us talents, desires, and purpose that He wants us to use while we are here on this earth. I believe strongly in the right to life for all. Even if that is not your "desire", please realize that although God may have created you to accomplish other goals in your life, He still expects us all to value life and love others. Maybe you can't adopt or do foster care, but maybe you can babysit for a friend who has adopted or does foster care. Maybe you can financially help a couple who wants to adopt but can't. Maybe you can volunteer at a pregnancy center or abuse shelter. Maybe you can report the abuse of a child that everyone else has turned and looked the other way. My mom even went to court to testify about an abuse situation she witnessed. Most people wouldn't even call, much less go to court. Maybe you can be a friend to a person without many friends. Maybe you can buy a burger and soda for the homeless person you see on the street tomorrow. Maybe you can love those that you come into contact with tomorrow in a way that you normally wouldn't.

I fail every day, who doesn't. Sin entered this world a long time ago, and this world will never be perfect until Christ comes back; but until then, I want to be living for Him, loving His children, and longing for His return.

my other blog

I have a new blog about adoption if anyone is interested.

www.tears4joyadoption.blogspot.com

My baby

Well, after waiting for a while, I finally have my baby. Granted, she is my foster baby, and she is 2 years old, so not "really" a baby. BUT... she is my baby, and I am happy!! I wish I could post pictures on here, but I can't b/c of privacy/hippa laws. To close friends and family who will see her anyway, I will be sending out pictures hopefully tomorrow.
She likes to cuddle, "I" think she already responds to me as her momma, and she still smells like a baby. :)
She is going to be available for adoption soon. So... we will have to see what happens. I have said that I didn't want to adopt again, and that if I did that I would make sure it is a boy. I still don't want to commit to adopting again, but I do love this little one. :) That's all I know for now.