Midterm's

I recently did my mid-year eval of the kids for homeschool. I normally do this over Christmas break, so I was a little late this year - lol. But I was pleased with their results. Our county states that we have to prove that our homeschooled children are being taught in progression and are progressing at their level of ability. I do SAT 10 tests at the end of the year to turn in to the school board, my friend Sharlene does them for me - she is a teacher at a public school. I had thought about doing 2 sat 10 tests this year, because I was concerned about where they are... but I am pleased to say that all of them progressed from last years mid-term test. I just use the free lifepac placement test for math and language arts every year in the middle of the school year to see where they are, what I need to focus more time on, etc. So... I am pleased. I did see some areas that I have neglected, and now I need to focus on that.

I am thinking about the mid-term of my life too ;) Although Matt is the one that turns 40 this year ;) (had to throw that in there) Am I learning what I need to learn from God? Am I progressing in my walk with my Heavenly Father to the best of my ability? Am I allowing Him to teach me, or am I stubbornly insisting things go "my" way? Am I ready for my "final exam"?

Let me say that I am not a "works" focussed person. I believe that God cares most about my love for Him, and my love for others than my "work". But I also believe that because I love Him, He expects me to grow and mature and progress in my walk with Him. He doesn't want me to stay where I am in my walk with him when I have the potential to do more for Him, to trust Him more, to Love Him more, to love others more, to tell others about Him more.

I had the privaledge of talking to a lady at church on Sunday who gave her life to Christ that day and prayed her own prayer to accept Christ's payment for her sins, and tell God that she wants to do better and to do what she has wanted to do for a long time - give her life to Him. She was telling me that she is brand new, and needs basic information. I was telling her some of the things that God has done in my life. It's funny... I have heard God speak to me these words "I will never leave you nor forsake you" then God confirmed it by having a friend walk up to me out of the blue and say "God says in the Bible, I will never leave you nor forsake you" WOW, right?!?! I have had God literally catch my car as it was rolling over during a car accident and set it down so gently on the ground that it didn't shake me. The engine was knocked out of the car and I walked away unharmed except for a few pulled muscles where the seatbelt caught me as the car stopped rolling suddenly and then sat back down gently on the ground. I have felt the amazing presence of the Holy Spirit at Matt's ordination service when women stood around me and the pastor's wife (unaware of me going through the process to adopt the twins through embryo adoption at that exact time) praying for me that God would give me the desires of my heart; and after 7 years of praying within 1 month I was pregnant with Tyler and Lauren. My mother in law said to me when we called to tell them I was pregnant - she said "I knew it, when the pastor's wife prayed for you to have the desires of your heart, I knew that you would be pregnant" My God is SOOOOO big, and SOOOO amazing, and has never let me down. Sure, I have had hard times, and things haven't always gone my way. There have been prayers that were not answered the way that "I" wanted. But my God has always loved me. So why after all of these amazing things do I still try to hold on to the reigns a little bit? What is the "best of my ability"? It is more than baby steps, I am beyond that. God has proved Himself to me time and time again. He has promised to never leave me or forsake me!! Yet, time and time again I find myself getting anxious over situations, having trouble sleeping because I am so stressed out. Why can't I pass the "trust" part of my life? Actually, I think it is the "letting go" part I always fail. I DO trust God. It is as if I am standing on a platform looking back at God with His never failing arms ready to catch me, and I know that I can close my eyes, fold my arms, and fall back safely into his arms... I KNOW that, I believe it with ALL of my heart; but the fear of falling causes me to hesitate. The fear of the sense of falling completely out of control makes me hold on a little longer. Lord, help me to let go, to close my eyes, fold my arms - giving you full control, and simply fall into your arms - and help me to enjoy the thrill of the fall instead of letting the FEAR of the fall keep me from enjoying the thrill of letting you catch me and take me where you want me.