lessons from a theme park part 2

Thinking about SixFlags earlier reminded me of some other lessons I have learned.

When I was a freshman in college, Tammy and I hung out with the youth group at our church quite often. Oh the stories that are coming to mind - some to remain only between me and Tammy and the few people we might trust with the embarassing details :)

I am going to share one embarassing story with you though, because I think there is a good lesson to learn from it. We were at SixFlags for Atlanta Fest; DC talk was going to be in concert. Being the avid fans that we were, we got up early, got in line early at the entrance to the park with the plan of RUNNING to the ampitheater to get front row seats. (Sidetrack for a minute - a few years later in life, when we were in our 20's, we actually did get front row seats at a DC Talk concert. Standing there in the crowd jumping up and down with the speaker blaring in our ears, Toby Mac looked down at us as he prepared to "jump" off of a tall speaker into the crowd below. Being a little older and wiser then, we shook our heads "NO" and backed up - see we do get a little smarter with age. Maybe there is hope yet) Back to my story... They opened the gate, I had a soda can in my hand, my youth minister behind me, I took off running - never slowed down as I ran past a trash can and threw my empty can into it - my youth minister said I could have won a heisman trophy for it - and I ran, and ran, and ran until I could run no more. I suddenly realized that I had NO IDEA where I was going. I spent a few hours just trying to find my youth group again. Of course when I found them, they all laughed at me - A LOT! What I learned from that was this: If you are going to run with determination, make sure you know where you are going.
Matt and I are running with determination right now. And all we know is that we want to go where God leads us. He has a few possibilities for his ministry and we are praying that God leads us where we are supposed to go. And I have been waiting for a very long time for another foster child after our foster baby passed away last year. I got a call yesterday asking me if I would take a little boy with some major medical needs. I said yes, of course, and was SOOOO very excited. I turned in a 2 week notice at work, bought some new stuff for the little guy, and my kids and I made lots of plans. Then this morning I got a call that it was not going to work out, and I am not getting him. That is what has led me to these last 2 posts - I feel like we are running with blind determination, and I am about to run out of energy. But... I love the rollercoasters, and if I will let go, trust God, and let Him lead me - I know I will get to where I need to be and have a wonderful time when I get there.

Rollercoasters

I love rollercoasters! My favorite ones are the floorless ones; and the best seat is the very front. It honestly feels like you are flying - there is nothing below you, and in the front seat - there is nothing in front of you as you fly through the air - up, down, upside down, around turns... When I was a teenager one of my favorite places to go was SixFlags over Georgia. I haven't been there in over 15 years, but I am sure they have many new exciting roller coasters since I was there last. However, one of my favorite rides as a teenager at SixFlags was "The Scream Machine". There were no lap or shoulder bars on this ride - just a plain seat belt that you fastened over your lap. My friend, Tammy and I would fasten the seat belt so that it was loose enough that when we went over the hills we would be lifted completely out of the seat. We would hold our hands in the air and feel the thrill of being tossed in the air - with no control, letting go, and enjoying the ride.
I need to learn to do that again. Not on the "Scream Machine" at SixFlags, but rather on the "Scream Machine" of LIFE. I honestly feel like I have been on a rollercoaster the past year or so. We have had so many ups and downs around here that it has been easy to get scared and try to grab onto and hold onto anything I can. What I NEED to do is lift my hands in the air to praise the Almighty God who is in control of my life, and enjoy the ride.
I have to admit - although that is what I want to do, it is hard to trust enough to let go when you see life flying by so quickly underneath you, and you feel tossed about with what feels like only a small seat belt holding you safely on the ride.
Lord, I want to experience all that you have for me. Help me to let go, trust you, and enjoy the ride.

prayer

It was one year ago today that our foster baby died. Please pray for his birth family. I don't have contact with them anymore, but I am sure that today was difficult for them.
Thank you!

Give Me Your Eyes

I love this song by Brandon Heath:

Look down from a broken sky
Traced out by the city lights
My world from a mile high
Best seat in the house tonight
Touch down on the cold black top
Hold on for the sudden stop
Breathe in the familiar shock
Of confusion and chaos
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared
Chorus: Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see
Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what's underneath
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, he's buying time
All those people going somewhere
Why have I never cared

Chorus

I've been here a million times
A couple of million eyes
Just move and pass me by
I swear I never thought that I was wrong
Well, I want a second glance
So give me a second chance
To see the way You've seen the people all along

I realized this morning that if my children are only exposed to Christian people at church, then we as a church are not doing our job. Our job as a church is to reach the lost, and we can't expect the lost to dress like us, act like us, or think like us. So although I don't think this transformation of thinking will be easy for me - I think my viewpoint should be: I need to teach my children to love all people, even if they are dressed in ways that may not glorify God; but I want them to glorify God in all that they do - in how they dress, in how they speak, in how they act, and in how they treat ALL people. So my prayer to God is like the song says "Give my your eyes', God, so that I can see all of Your people in need of Your love, then help me to love them.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!

I grew up in rural Alabama. There was one time as a teenager, that my friend and I rode bikes out to a creek that was so far away from civilization that we could, and did, scream out our frustrations. (note to Tammy - do you remember that?) That is what I want to do today. I say that, but after living in civilization for 15 years, I think I would be scared to be so far in the middle of no-where that no one could hear me scream - lol.
Nothing really bad is going on, just the same old stuff, but my frustration level has reached maximum capacity. It is bound to come out in some way sooner or later. Maybe I should take up kick-boxing or something. I used to do Tae-bo - it was a great stress reliever. Hmmmmmm... I'll have to think about that.

Please Wait

Matt and I finally got to go see "Fireproof" last night. The movie was awesome, and we both especially liked a song in the movie "While I am Waiting" by John Waller. After the movie Matt and I talked about how we are in a "Waiting" time in our walk with God. I think we all encounter those times in our lives. Matt and I have not always been the best at waiting. We always exchange Christmas and Birthday presents long before the given day. When we have to wait for an anwer from someone, it drives us crazy. We were talking about how we think we have done a LITTLE better this time at waiting. Just as we said that, we came to a red light. Literally - we were driving down the road, and came to a red light. We sat there for a LONG time. And it did not change. We started laughing. Doesn't God have a great sense of humor :) We finally turned right (on red), then did a u-turn to get to where we needed to be. Then today I was trying to schedule an appointment, and the lady said "I'm sorry, you will have to call back because my computer keeps telling me "Please Wait" " Too funny.
"Why would you ever comlain, O Jacob, or, whine, Irsael, saying, "God has lost track of me. He doesn't care what happens to me"? Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening? God doesn't come and go. God LASTS. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And he knows everything, Inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts. For even young people tire and drop out, young folk in their prime stumble and fall. But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind."
Isaiah 40:27 - 31 Message version

Life

I can't believe it has been almost one whole month since I last posted. The reason why it has been so long is "life". This post is mostly for myself. I can think more clearly when I write things out. Matt and I have some decisions to make as far as what to do, where to go next. But we also want to let God decide where we go and what we do. The hard part is knowing where the line is between those two things. Matt has sent his resume to 3 or 4 churches, some are youth positions, some are senior pastor positions. And he has been preaching at a WONDERFUL little church in our area the past month or so. They are going to be voting on him for an interim position some time soon. God's hand has definately been involved in us going to this church. They need someone to lead them, love them, and be a part of them; and we need a church like they are, that is excited to grow and serve Christ. We are also leaving the door open that God may lead us to stay at this church long term. All of the other churches that we have sent Matt's resume to are larger churches. Really there is one main reason why we kind of want to go to a larger church this time. "Life" We have been so busy the past 5 years with Matt teaching full time, pastoring a church, driving for school events, being the president of our home owners association... and me taking care of (usually) 2 medical foster kids, our 3 kids at home, working occasionally (usually nights), teaching/serving in the church, homeschooling, and being a mom and wife. We are definately NOT in ministry for the money - if we were, we would choose different careers - lol. BUT the thought of Matt only having one "job", and if that job (ministry) would pay most of our bills, that would free me up to put more time and attention into our family. Also, right now I am waiting on another medical foster care placement, and working 3 - 4 nights/week until then. There is a school nurse position open near our house, and I would love that. BUT I absolutely do NOT want to put the kids in public school. I really want to homeschool them. For the main reason of - I want to be the one to teach my kids. I LOVE homeschooling them, and the thought of not being able to do that breaks my heart. I don't want to look back one day and realize that we worked so much that we missed time and opportunities with our kids. Having said all of that, at the end of this life, when I stand before God, I want to hear Him say "well done, my good and faithful servant". And if that means that for the rest of my life that God wants us to be as busy as we have been the past 5 years, then I am o.k. with that.
Funny kid story: I had an appointment with Logan yesterday and needed a babysitter for Madi, Ty, and La. All of the people I usually use were not available. So we asked Stephanie - she is the wife of a friend/co-worker of Matt's. Matt comes in today and says I have to tell you what happened while Stephanie was here with the kids yesterday. I automatically said "oh no". Matt said, no - it isn't bad, it's funny. The twins informed her that they used to be "frozen". Stephanie said "Oh really, were you cold?" They said "Yep, we were frozen". Then Madison asked Stephanie if she knew Madison's last name. She said "Yes, it's Gilmore" Madison said "no, not that last name - I used to have a different last name, but my mom and dad won't tell me what it is." Stephanie went home and had LOTS of questions for her husband - LOL. I guess that's one reason it can be good to tell people about specific adoption issues - lol. For those that may not know, we adopted the twins as embryos - they actually were frozen embryos. And we don't tell Madi all of her information for safety reasons until she is older.