Happy New Year!!
I think this is the most excited I have ever been over New Years. For those of you who know me best (probably everyone who reads this), knows about all of my family's trials of 2008. I am so excited about starting a new year and having a "day" to celebrate that new beginning.
I am so glad that God gives us "new beginnings" the very second we ask. I am glad that we don't have to wait for a certain time or day, glad we don't have to do something to earn it, thankful that He loves me!
I am also very excited about starting homeschool again next week. We were 1/2 year ahead with our curriculum when we started this school year in August. The first 2 months we stayed on schedule, then things got very chaotic around here, and it was hit or miss after that. We have used lots of life lessons: Learning to read using signs we see when we are out, learning measurements by helping me in the kitchen, adding and subracting all throughout the day, not to mention the Leapster games and computer games (all learning games). BUT... I am SOOOO excited about a NEW start with homeschool too! I was up until 4 AM two nights ago working on curriculum.
One thing I hope to change personally this year is "letting go of what is not important and focussing more on what IS important". That is true for homeschooling, family life, church, foster care, etc. With my personality, I tend to stress over things. I want to do a good job at everything, but the problem is that I have so much going on that I can't possibly put all of my time and energy into everything that I have to do. I have tried to do that recently and found that there wasn't much of me left after that.
Speaking of that goal - my kids are asking me to play with them right now, so I gotta go.
Funny story real quick. I took Madi to an event the other day to show my appreciation for all of her help with the little kids, house, etc. I locked the doors of the car as we got out. Madi asked me as we were walking away from the car if I had locked the doors, we both looked back and I locked the doors again from the keyless remote. 3 hours later when we returned the passenger side door was standing open. We had parked 3 blocks away from the event (I didn't bring cash with me and didn't have the $$ to park where we were going). There were a few cars going on the streets one block over, but not anyone right where we were. I called Matt, and he called the police non-emergency # for me. Lauren heard Matt tell me that he would call the police. Lauren asked "Is mommy going to jail" To which Matt replied "Not tonight, sweetie - not tonight." What faith my family has in me. ROFL
By the way, there was no evidence of anyone breaking in... I guess Madi just didn't shut the door all the way, and we just didn't notice it.
Shauna
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Seasons
When Matt and I first got married, I worked as a teachers assistant in a first grade classroom near our home in central florida. One assignment that was given to the kids was to draw a picture of the 4 seasons. The teacher became very upset over how the entire class did the assignment "wrong". They all drew 4 pictures of green trees. What she didn't take into account was that all of these 6 year olds had always lived in an area where all 4 seasons pretty much look the same. There is no dramatic change from one to the next.
There are also seasons in our life. There are seasons of youth and old age, seasons of health and illness, seasons of work and rest, etc. Sometimes there are dramatic changes and it is very easy to see where one ends and the other begins, and sometimes the changes are more subtle - just like the changing of seasons here in Florida.
Matt was a youth minister for 10 years, and intended on being a youth minister for life. God led him slowly into a change from youth pastor to senior pastor. If it had been a quick change, like a change from winter in Chicago to summer in Miami, Matt would have freaked out. God gave him a gift of being able to relate well and work wonders with youth. Then God led him slowly into other areas of ministry. All for His glory and for His purpose in His timing.
With all of the changes in our lives lately, I have been praying that God would show me clearly the changes that He wants to make in my life. He is answering me, and He is slowly but clearly helping me to see the ending of one season, and the beginning of the next. He is using people that I trust spiritually to reassure me of what He is showing me. The nice thing is - all of God's seasons are beautiful. From fresh new buds on trees, and flowers in the Spring; to warm sunshine and the smell of the ocean in the Summer; the beautiful array of colors in Autumn, and a fresh, untouched blanket of snow in the Winter - all are just a glimpse of the beauty that God has in store for us. Although I am beginning to see more clearly the steps that God wants me to take, I am still not exactly sure where they will lead me. So for now, I am not going to go into detail, but please pray that my family and I will serve God and please Him regardless of what season of our lives we are currently in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SqG50ynfdw
Jen, thanks for talking with me last night! And I am really glad I got to talk to your mom too.
(I almost wrote "thanks for going out with me last night, but I was afraid with all the talk of change That wouldn't sound good- LOL)
There are also seasons in our life. There are seasons of youth and old age, seasons of health and illness, seasons of work and rest, etc. Sometimes there are dramatic changes and it is very easy to see where one ends and the other begins, and sometimes the changes are more subtle - just like the changing of seasons here in Florida.
Matt was a youth minister for 10 years, and intended on being a youth minister for life. God led him slowly into a change from youth pastor to senior pastor. If it had been a quick change, like a change from winter in Chicago to summer in Miami, Matt would have freaked out. God gave him a gift of being able to relate well and work wonders with youth. Then God led him slowly into other areas of ministry. All for His glory and for His purpose in His timing.
With all of the changes in our lives lately, I have been praying that God would show me clearly the changes that He wants to make in my life. He is answering me, and He is slowly but clearly helping me to see the ending of one season, and the beginning of the next. He is using people that I trust spiritually to reassure me of what He is showing me. The nice thing is - all of God's seasons are beautiful. From fresh new buds on trees, and flowers in the Spring; to warm sunshine and the smell of the ocean in the Summer; the beautiful array of colors in Autumn, and a fresh, untouched blanket of snow in the Winter - all are just a glimpse of the beauty that God has in store for us. Although I am beginning to see more clearly the steps that God wants me to take, I am still not exactly sure where they will lead me. So for now, I am not going to go into detail, but please pray that my family and I will serve God and please Him regardless of what season of our lives we are currently in.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SqG50ynfdw
Jen, thanks for talking with me last night! And I am really glad I got to talk to your mom too.
(I almost wrote "thanks for going out with me last night, but I was afraid with all the talk of change That wouldn't sound good- LOL)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
room for kids
Our living room was full of sleeping kids tonight. Our newest foster daughter (we got her Wed.) is having a hard time sleeping, so we let her go to sleep on an oversized beanbag (I like to sleep in it too sometimes), then we move her upstairs. The twins were being so sweet tonight and I just needed some time with them, so they fell asleep in the living room too, one on each couch. Our other new foster daughter (got her about 1 month ago) is sleeping in her room, but it is just off of the living room. Madi is the only one who went to sleep in her room tonight, but she was awake a lot last night because of the newest one crying and slamming doors.
I have been thinking a lot lately about God's call on my life. As I look back, I can see that He was preparing me for His plans long before I knew what His plans were. Even as a teenager I sensed God's plan for me was to be a mom. Then when I got married and faced infertility I couldn't understand what He was doing, or why He would place such a strong desire in my heart to be a mom, and then not let me be able to get pregnant. Right before our two year anniversary we moved to a new church where Matt was called as youth pastor. We met a couple in that church that did foster care, and about 6 months later we had our first days as parents. The first mothers day I spent as a foster parent I struggled with thoughts of "am I really a mom, can I really celebrate mother's day". I have now done foster care for almost 12 years, and I can confidantly say I have earned the right to celebrate each and every Mother's day since then. Most people are able to have children without difficulty. In my opinion it is easier to appreciate something when you have to work hard for it. Please don't take that the wrong way - I know that there are MANY parents who have had children easily and love their kids with all that is in them. BUT... every time I look at my kids I see what wonderful gifts and blessings God gave to me, children that I spent MANY hours praying for, tears shed when I wasn't sure IF or WHEN I would receive the children that my heart longed for so deeply. Even now - 12 years, 26 foster children, 4 adoptions, and a total of 28 children God has given to me - we adopted 2 of the foster kids, I am not that bad in math ;) - my heart still breaks for children who need someone to love them. Let me be very clear - I get frustrated A LOT! My kids get on my nerves sometimes, I get tired of the constant noise, I would really like to have more time with my husband, and I would even like to have some time for myself. But as I am sitting here right now, I am looking at a 4 year old little girl who is finally sleeping and I feel relief for both me and her after the trials that we faced today, all of which are rooted in her troubled past, and insecurities. I may not be a great mom, but I love each and every child that is given to me, and my prayer is that God will continue to use me as He sees fit - even when I get tired, frustrated, and want to give up.
Which brings me to where I am tonight, and why I am writing this post. Lately I have wondered "What's next" in my walk with God, especially in the area of being a mommy. I absolutely LOVE being a mom to my foster kids, BUT I am growing increasingly frustrated with the "system". I also see how being a foster parent affects my family in both good and bad ways. I believe my kids are much more accepting than most other kids their age. We have had foster kids of all colors, shapes, and sizes - most with some kind of medical problem. It makes me proud when we get a new foster kid in and Madi, Ty, and La accept them right away, no matter what. That's not to say that they don't get jealous of the amount of time I have to spend with our foster kids, but in the end - I think they are much more compassionate and accepting because of what we do. On the negative side, they are sometimes exposed to behaviors, words, etc. that I really don't want them exposed to. I also see that they are sometimes hurt when they want me to do something with them, and I have to tell them no because I have to give a medicine, change a diaper, etc. I don't want them to resent the foster kids. I have to say, at least for right now - I believe the pro's outweigh the negatives.
This may be stretching it a bit, but this Christmas as I have listened to Christmas songs about how there was no room for Jesus even from His birth - it reminds me of kids in foster care, kids in orphanages; kids, babies, and frozen embryos waiting to be adopted. There are so many kids needing a mommy and daddy to love them, and it seems as though in our society today that there is no room for them either. There are many t.v. commercials and shows about all the needy animals and how our society needs to change to protect them. They show animals underweight, being abused and neglected. Yet very few times do you see something on t.v. about all the children in the world that are in similar situations. I love animals. I once put my horse in the basement because we had a bad snowstorm and I didn't want her to be too cold. Until the twins were born, my dog not only shared my bed, but shared my pillow! Animals don't deserve to be mistreated and they deserve a loving home - but how much more is that true for children!
Which brings me to adoption. We have 2 children we adopted from foster care, and 2 children we adopted as embryos. I wanted so badly to experience pregnancy, and I thank God that He allowed me to be able to carry and give birth to Ty and La. There are moms and "moms in waiting" that long to experience pregnancy and may not be able to. I didn't get to be pregnant with Madison, but I can honestly say that it is not even relevant when it comes to how much I love her!!! As she is growing up I see her being more and more like me (bless her poor little heart - lol). I may not have given birth to her, but she is SOOO my child! :)
Why is it that we see pictures of homeless puppies on t.v. and our heart goes out to them, but when pictures of homeless children are shown we turn the channel or make excuses for not helping to do something about it? Why is it that we can find $4 for a Starbucks coffee, but can't find the $$ to help starving children in other countries? Why do some people see me as "less" of a parent to my children because they are not genetically mine, yet see others as "real" parents (even if they do horrible things to them) just because they conceived them? (Sorry, got off on a soap box there)
OK, I will be 35 in 4 months. I have been married for 14 years, and 12 of those years we have had children in our home ranging from 24 week preemies to raising our oldest son who will be 21 next week. "I want" to have more time with Matt. "I want" to have more free time for myself. "I want" to be able to spend more time with Madi, Tyler, and Lauren. But... I also want to help this little 4 year old sleeping in front of me to learn to trust again, to learn what love is, and most of all to learn about God's love. I want to help the mother of my other foster child who is willing to do anything to get her child back. I also really want a baby to love. I have longed to care for another baby since our foster baby died last year. I wish Tyler had a brother to play with. If we had the money, I know I would want to adopt "just 1 more" baby (if I could convince my husband - lol). "I" can't do it all on my own. Just like I couldn't control the circumstances with my infertility. God was and is using it all to direct me where He wants me to go, I just don't see where yet.
I have been thinking a lot lately about God's call on my life. As I look back, I can see that He was preparing me for His plans long before I knew what His plans were. Even as a teenager I sensed God's plan for me was to be a mom. Then when I got married and faced infertility I couldn't understand what He was doing, or why He would place such a strong desire in my heart to be a mom, and then not let me be able to get pregnant. Right before our two year anniversary we moved to a new church where Matt was called as youth pastor. We met a couple in that church that did foster care, and about 6 months later we had our first days as parents. The first mothers day I spent as a foster parent I struggled with thoughts of "am I really a mom, can I really celebrate mother's day". I have now done foster care for almost 12 years, and I can confidantly say I have earned the right to celebrate each and every Mother's day since then. Most people are able to have children without difficulty. In my opinion it is easier to appreciate something when you have to work hard for it. Please don't take that the wrong way - I know that there are MANY parents who have had children easily and love their kids with all that is in them. BUT... every time I look at my kids I see what wonderful gifts and blessings God gave to me, children that I spent MANY hours praying for, tears shed when I wasn't sure IF or WHEN I would receive the children that my heart longed for so deeply. Even now - 12 years, 26 foster children, 4 adoptions, and a total of 28 children God has given to me - we adopted 2 of the foster kids, I am not that bad in math ;) - my heart still breaks for children who need someone to love them. Let me be very clear - I get frustrated A LOT! My kids get on my nerves sometimes, I get tired of the constant noise, I would really like to have more time with my husband, and I would even like to have some time for myself. But as I am sitting here right now, I am looking at a 4 year old little girl who is finally sleeping and I feel relief for both me and her after the trials that we faced today, all of which are rooted in her troubled past, and insecurities. I may not be a great mom, but I love each and every child that is given to me, and my prayer is that God will continue to use me as He sees fit - even when I get tired, frustrated, and want to give up.
Which brings me to where I am tonight, and why I am writing this post. Lately I have wondered "What's next" in my walk with God, especially in the area of being a mommy. I absolutely LOVE being a mom to my foster kids, BUT I am growing increasingly frustrated with the "system". I also see how being a foster parent affects my family in both good and bad ways. I believe my kids are much more accepting than most other kids their age. We have had foster kids of all colors, shapes, and sizes - most with some kind of medical problem. It makes me proud when we get a new foster kid in and Madi, Ty, and La accept them right away, no matter what. That's not to say that they don't get jealous of the amount of time I have to spend with our foster kids, but in the end - I think they are much more compassionate and accepting because of what we do. On the negative side, they are sometimes exposed to behaviors, words, etc. that I really don't want them exposed to. I also see that they are sometimes hurt when they want me to do something with them, and I have to tell them no because I have to give a medicine, change a diaper, etc. I don't want them to resent the foster kids. I have to say, at least for right now - I believe the pro's outweigh the negatives.
This may be stretching it a bit, but this Christmas as I have listened to Christmas songs about how there was no room for Jesus even from His birth - it reminds me of kids in foster care, kids in orphanages; kids, babies, and frozen embryos waiting to be adopted. There are so many kids needing a mommy and daddy to love them, and it seems as though in our society today that there is no room for them either. There are many t.v. commercials and shows about all the needy animals and how our society needs to change to protect them. They show animals underweight, being abused and neglected. Yet very few times do you see something on t.v. about all the children in the world that are in similar situations. I love animals. I once put my horse in the basement because we had a bad snowstorm and I didn't want her to be too cold. Until the twins were born, my dog not only shared my bed, but shared my pillow! Animals don't deserve to be mistreated and they deserve a loving home - but how much more is that true for children!
Which brings me to adoption. We have 2 children we adopted from foster care, and 2 children we adopted as embryos. I wanted so badly to experience pregnancy, and I thank God that He allowed me to be able to carry and give birth to Ty and La. There are moms and "moms in waiting" that long to experience pregnancy and may not be able to. I didn't get to be pregnant with Madison, but I can honestly say that it is not even relevant when it comes to how much I love her!!! As she is growing up I see her being more and more like me (bless her poor little heart - lol). I may not have given birth to her, but she is SOOO my child! :)
Why is it that we see pictures of homeless puppies on t.v. and our heart goes out to them, but when pictures of homeless children are shown we turn the channel or make excuses for not helping to do something about it? Why is it that we can find $4 for a Starbucks coffee, but can't find the $$ to help starving children in other countries? Why do some people see me as "less" of a parent to my children because they are not genetically mine, yet see others as "real" parents (even if they do horrible things to them) just because they conceived them? (Sorry, got off on a soap box there)
OK, I will be 35 in 4 months. I have been married for 14 years, and 12 of those years we have had children in our home ranging from 24 week preemies to raising our oldest son who will be 21 next week. "I want" to have more time with Matt. "I want" to have more free time for myself. "I want" to be able to spend more time with Madi, Tyler, and Lauren. But... I also want to help this little 4 year old sleeping in front of me to learn to trust again, to learn what love is, and most of all to learn about God's love. I want to help the mother of my other foster child who is willing to do anything to get her child back. I also really want a baby to love. I have longed to care for another baby since our foster baby died last year. I wish Tyler had a brother to play with. If we had the money, I know I would want to adopt "just 1 more" baby (if I could convince my husband - lol). "I" can't do it all on my own. Just like I couldn't control the circumstances with my infertility. God was and is using it all to direct me where He wants me to go, I just don't see where yet.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Who Am I
"The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him"
Romans 12:3 message version
OK, I admit when I first read that I thought, "cool, that is true". Then I started thinking about it and it became so big of a thought/idea that I couldn't comprehend it completely. Now, I don't claim to have some great revelation; but I think there is a lot that can be learned from that verse. (Not that there are any bad verses in the Bible, or verses without meaning).
I want to please God with my life.
Romans 12:1 in the Message says "Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him" The message version is not a great version to "study" but it is a great version (in my opinion) for reading and just spending time with God.
Let me invite you into my life for a minute. But be warned it is a very scary place - (there are black holes where thoughts get lost, there are many demanding children, and there is a desire to please everyone and not one person that is pleased all the time). If I had to show you around my life on a brief tour, imagining it as a house, I would try to spend the most time in "the God room". It is the room that I try to keep in the center of my life and want to give it the most attention since it is by far the most important. Yet as I walk around my life I get distracted by all the other rooms and how cluttered they are. As I walk by my "children" room, I see my sweet little angels that God has so graciously given to me, and I want to walk in and spend lots of time with them because I know that one day they will leave. One of my favorite rooms is my Husband room, I wish I could spend more time here - I think it is one of my most important rooms, yet he is busy a lot too, so not enough time is spent there. There is the ministry room - it has LOTS of compartments - church, foster care, nursing, friends Matt and/or I counsel, raising my children in the Lord; Matt's ministries overflow into my ministry room too - so it can be a busy place to be. This room should be in direct control from God - as well as all the other rooms. Sometimes though, I see an empty spot in the ministry room, and I try to fill it with something - I usually pray first, and ask God to show me what He wants me to put there. Sometimes I wait for Him to answer, sometimes I get restless and fill it with something myself. There are also 2 other favorite rooms - my friends room and my family room. My friends room is a place I can go when I feel empty, I walk in there and I have several special people who will comfort me or lift me up, or better yet... walk me straight to my God room, holding my hand the entire way. My family room is full of people that I love. There are people there that lift me up, and there are people there that need me to lift them up. Then there are lots of other little rooms that usually are adjoined to one of my major rooms. My philosophy for my life has been to try my best to make sure that I please God with all of the people and things in my life. What I am finding is that doesn't always happen. I get lost somewhere along the way, or I stumble and fall down. I get frustrated and want to quit, etc.
The only way to understand myself is by what God is and by what He does for me, not by what I am or what I do for Him.
Romans 12 :3 personalized
If I am defined by what I do for God, then when I stumble and fall, when I make mistakes, then I am not who I want to be, and I am not what God wants me to be. But If I am defined by what God is and by what He does for me, then I am always a child of God who is loved SO much by my Heavenly Father that He chooses to spend time with me, chose to send His son to save me, and chooses to let me join Him in Heaven one day.
I have made mistakes in the past, some bigger than others, some really big. It is easy to dwell on those. And I have done some pretty nice things (in my perspective) and it is easy to pat myself on the back for those things. But my mistakes will be forgotten, and my achievements were only accomplished because God worked them through me. In all reality, what I do, whether good or bad, is not the real issue. The real issue is letting God "HAVE" my life. NOT letting God CONTROL my life, but rather letting Him have it. Letting Him control it infers that it belongs to me. But it doesn't... God gave me life, and it is His to do with as he pleases until the day that He chooses to take me out of this life and into the next.
I have been spending A LOT of time lately asking God to show me what He wants me to do for Him. I have to admit, I think I will still be kinda focussed on that. BUT I want to accept that to truly understand myself, I need to stop worrying about what I am going to do for God, and start looking for what He is doing through me.
There are things in my life right now that I know God has initiated, and I am waiting to see them finished. There are also empty places that I know God wants to fill with something He chooses. My prayer is that I will learn to walk with God on this life journey, and enjoy the view as He lives my life. My stumbling blocks are going to be - my own thoughts, ideas, and wants; me getting in the way of God, and not waiting patiently.
I pray that today you can let God live your life, and enjoy not having to be the one in control. I also pray that I am able to let go enough to do the same thing. :)
Romans 12:3 message version
OK, I admit when I first read that I thought, "cool, that is true". Then I started thinking about it and it became so big of a thought/idea that I couldn't comprehend it completely. Now, I don't claim to have some great revelation; but I think there is a lot that can be learned from that verse. (Not that there are any bad verses in the Bible, or verses without meaning).
I want to please God with my life.
Romans 12:1 in the Message says "Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life - and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him" The message version is not a great version to "study" but it is a great version (in my opinion) for reading and just spending time with God.
Let me invite you into my life for a minute. But be warned it is a very scary place - (there are black holes where thoughts get lost, there are many demanding children, and there is a desire to please everyone and not one person that is pleased all the time). If I had to show you around my life on a brief tour, imagining it as a house, I would try to spend the most time in "the God room". It is the room that I try to keep in the center of my life and want to give it the most attention since it is by far the most important. Yet as I walk around my life I get distracted by all the other rooms and how cluttered they are. As I walk by my "children" room, I see my sweet little angels that God has so graciously given to me, and I want to walk in and spend lots of time with them because I know that one day they will leave. One of my favorite rooms is my Husband room, I wish I could spend more time here - I think it is one of my most important rooms, yet he is busy a lot too, so not enough time is spent there. There is the ministry room - it has LOTS of compartments - church, foster care, nursing, friends Matt and/or I counsel, raising my children in the Lord; Matt's ministries overflow into my ministry room too - so it can be a busy place to be. This room should be in direct control from God - as well as all the other rooms. Sometimes though, I see an empty spot in the ministry room, and I try to fill it with something - I usually pray first, and ask God to show me what He wants me to put there. Sometimes I wait for Him to answer, sometimes I get restless and fill it with something myself. There are also 2 other favorite rooms - my friends room and my family room. My friends room is a place I can go when I feel empty, I walk in there and I have several special people who will comfort me or lift me up, or better yet... walk me straight to my God room, holding my hand the entire way. My family room is full of people that I love. There are people there that lift me up, and there are people there that need me to lift them up. Then there are lots of other little rooms that usually are adjoined to one of my major rooms. My philosophy for my life has been to try my best to make sure that I please God with all of the people and things in my life. What I am finding is that doesn't always happen. I get lost somewhere along the way, or I stumble and fall down. I get frustrated and want to quit, etc.
The only way to understand myself is by what God is and by what He does for me, not by what I am or what I do for Him.
Romans 12 :3 personalized
If I am defined by what I do for God, then when I stumble and fall, when I make mistakes, then I am not who I want to be, and I am not what God wants me to be. But If I am defined by what God is and by what He does for me, then I am always a child of God who is loved SO much by my Heavenly Father that He chooses to spend time with me, chose to send His son to save me, and chooses to let me join Him in Heaven one day.
I have made mistakes in the past, some bigger than others, some really big. It is easy to dwell on those. And I have done some pretty nice things (in my perspective) and it is easy to pat myself on the back for those things. But my mistakes will be forgotten, and my achievements were only accomplished because God worked them through me. In all reality, what I do, whether good or bad, is not the real issue. The real issue is letting God "HAVE" my life. NOT letting God CONTROL my life, but rather letting Him have it. Letting Him control it infers that it belongs to me. But it doesn't... God gave me life, and it is His to do with as he pleases until the day that He chooses to take me out of this life and into the next.
I have been spending A LOT of time lately asking God to show me what He wants me to do for Him. I have to admit, I think I will still be kinda focussed on that. BUT I want to accept that to truly understand myself, I need to stop worrying about what I am going to do for God, and start looking for what He is doing through me.
There are things in my life right now that I know God has initiated, and I am waiting to see them finished. There are also empty places that I know God wants to fill with something He chooses. My prayer is that I will learn to walk with God on this life journey, and enjoy the view as He lives my life. My stumbling blocks are going to be - my own thoughts, ideas, and wants; me getting in the way of God, and not waiting patiently.
I pray that today you can let God live your life, and enjoy not having to be the one in control. I also pray that I am able to let go enough to do the same thing. :)
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Christmas Memories
I have been doing 1 thing every day with the kids for Christmas. We went to look at Christmas lights tonight, a few days ago we took some things to our local pregnancy center after we talked about baby Jesus, tomorrow we are making Christmas candy and cookies. I hope we are making memories that my kids will always remember. More than that, I hope they will always remember what Christmas is really about - Jesus choosing to leave Heaven, and come to earth. Leaving everything good, to be born into nothing. All so He could grow up and one day die on the cross to save us from sin.
I didn't decorate much at all this year. The reason is that I just haven't felt like it. I have a lot going on, and just can't get into the mood to decorate. But... I think I am ok with that. We are doing things together every day. A few of the activities are traditional, like tonight - looking at Christmas lights. Most of the activities I have tried to focus on teaching them the true meaning of Christmas, and also to teach them to love others like Christ loved us, and we are working on learning the lesson of giving instead of always receiving :)
I love Christmas, and I always like to hear what traditions other people have or maybe special Christmas memories from when you were little. So if you want to, please share that with me. I want new ideas to share with my family. And I think it is nice to hear how God has blessed other people too.
Some of my favorite Christmas memories are: My mom's candy cane shaped almond cookies. Christmas Eve at my gradmother's house. Being wrapped up in a warm blanket and carried quickly from the car to the house because it was so cold. All of my family together in one place. Waking up to find toys set up all in the living room. My dad playing with us and our new toys. And lots more...
I didn't decorate much at all this year. The reason is that I just haven't felt like it. I have a lot going on, and just can't get into the mood to decorate. But... I think I am ok with that. We are doing things together every day. A few of the activities are traditional, like tonight - looking at Christmas lights. Most of the activities I have tried to focus on teaching them the true meaning of Christmas, and also to teach them to love others like Christ loved us, and we are working on learning the lesson of giving instead of always receiving :)
I love Christmas, and I always like to hear what traditions other people have or maybe special Christmas memories from when you were little. So if you want to, please share that with me. I want new ideas to share with my family. And I think it is nice to hear how God has blessed other people too.
Some of my favorite Christmas memories are: My mom's candy cane shaped almond cookies. Christmas Eve at my gradmother's house. Being wrapped up in a warm blanket and carried quickly from the car to the house because it was so cold. All of my family together in one place. Waking up to find toys set up all in the living room. My dad playing with us and our new toys. And lots more...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Thoughts and Songs
I miss LoLo, a lot.
Once again I said my goodbyes
To those I love most
My heart feels that familiar pain
As I long for home
'Cause this road is hard
When I feel so far
God I'm crying out tonight
'Cause I've given You my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more here's my life (Here's My Life by Barlow Girl)
I love being a foster parent, because I love my foster kids. But at times, I think about not doing it anymore. It is hard. It hurts when I get attached and then they go home. It hurts when a baby dies because someone hurt him. It hurts when a 3 year old screams when you go to bathe him because he thinks he is going to be burned by the water. It gets old having to do the same paperwork over and over every year. It gets old having people constantly in my home evaluating how clean I keep the house, how I am parenting, etc. BUT... it is what God has called me to do, so to God I say... "Here's My Life".
Of course there are lots of rewards. I have a picture album full of them. And my heart is full of memories which I am very thankful for! Not to mention - these kids deserve someone to love them and take good care of them. I wish more people would become foster parents and love these kids with all their heart!
I am very emotional tonight. In fact, I probably shouldn't even write a post tonight, because it will probably reflect my out of control emotions. But I also try to be real. I don't want to be pessimistic, or a person who complains often. But I also don't want to be a "fake" Christian. The Bible says that we will all have good times and bad times. I don't think it is realistic to pretend like we don't have hurt feelings, or bad days just because we have Christ in our lives. The difference is that we can take our hurt feelings, doubts and concerns to Christ, and He will love us, heal us, and lead us to where He wants us to be. All in His timing. I struggle with waiting on HIS timing.
How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.
"I Believe" by Barlow Girl
I LOVE that song!! It reflects where I am right now.
Matt and I have had a lot of choices to make lately. And we REALLY want to make sure we do what God wants us to do. Because of that, we have tried to take our time, and make sure we are following HIS lead. Yet, we still don't really have a definate answer to many questions, and some of our circumstances are getting more urgent for us to know what we are doing. With the big question of "What to do" in my mind, here is the 2 Bible verses I got on my email today:
"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps" (Proverbs 16:9).
“Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6:35).
Once again I said my goodbyes
To those I love most
My heart feels that familiar pain
As I long for home
'Cause this road is hard
When I feel so far
God I'm crying out tonight
'Cause I've given You my life
But I'm tired and I'm missing what's behind
So once more here's my life (Here's My Life by Barlow Girl)
I love being a foster parent, because I love my foster kids. But at times, I think about not doing it anymore. It is hard. It hurts when I get attached and then they go home. It hurts when a baby dies because someone hurt him. It hurts when a 3 year old screams when you go to bathe him because he thinks he is going to be burned by the water. It gets old having to do the same paperwork over and over every year. It gets old having people constantly in my home evaluating how clean I keep the house, how I am parenting, etc. BUT... it is what God has called me to do, so to God I say... "Here's My Life".
Of course there are lots of rewards. I have a picture album full of them. And my heart is full of memories which I am very thankful for! Not to mention - these kids deserve someone to love them and take good care of them. I wish more people would become foster parents and love these kids with all their heart!
I am very emotional tonight. In fact, I probably shouldn't even write a post tonight, because it will probably reflect my out of control emotions. But I also try to be real. I don't want to be pessimistic, or a person who complains often. But I also don't want to be a "fake" Christian. The Bible says that we will all have good times and bad times. I don't think it is realistic to pretend like we don't have hurt feelings, or bad days just because we have Christ in our lives. The difference is that we can take our hurt feelings, doubts and concerns to Christ, and He will love us, heal us, and lead us to where He wants us to be. All in His timing. I struggle with waiting on HIS timing.
How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent
I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.
"I Believe" by Barlow Girl
I LOVE that song!! It reflects where I am right now.
Matt and I have had a lot of choices to make lately. And we REALLY want to make sure we do what God wants us to do. Because of that, we have tried to take our time, and make sure we are following HIS lead. Yet, we still don't really have a definate answer to many questions, and some of our circumstances are getting more urgent for us to know what we are doing. With the big question of "What to do" in my mind, here is the 2 Bible verses I got on my email today:
"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps" (Proverbs 16:9).
“Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.” (John 6:35).
Hot or Cold
Would you rather be hot or cold?
What if you could have any desert at all, every day of the week, and NOT gain a pound; what would it be?
Before hysterectomy and menopause I would have quickly answered "I would rather be hot". However, having hot flashes has made me re-think that thought. I do think I would still rather be hot though. I just can't stand to be cold.
I would have to go with cheesecake for the second quesion. This may be cheating a little, but I woulc say cheesecake because you can have it so many different ways - with strawberry sauce, rasberry sauce, chocolate sauce, plain, with nuts on top, etc. And it is SOOOOOOOOO yummy!
What if you could have any desert at all, every day of the week, and NOT gain a pound; what would it be?
Before hysterectomy and menopause I would have quickly answered "I would rather be hot". However, having hot flashes has made me re-think that thought. I do think I would still rather be hot though. I just can't stand to be cold.
I would have to go with cheesecake for the second quesion. This may be cheating a little, but I woulc say cheesecake because you can have it so many different ways - with strawberry sauce, rasberry sauce, chocolate sauce, plain, with nuts on top, etc. And it is SOOOOOOOOO yummy!
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