Getting There?

Tyler just brought me out his "cars" sleeping bag and informed me that he wanted to take it to Alabama with us when we go back. We don't know when we are going back yet, but the kids are usually well prepared and ready to go when the time comes. Of course Lauren had to unfold his sleeping bag, just to make him mad and stress him out (I swear he has OCD or at least OCD tendencies). Anyway, the funny thing is, they LOVE to go to Alabama and see family but the process of "getting there" is NOT any fun. We get asked 1000 times, "are we there yet", or "how much farther now". The neat thing is though, no matter how much they hate the ride there; they stay excited about the possibility of going, because they know how much fun they are gonna have when they get there.

Lately, I have been struggling with "Giving things to God". I pray about them, and I try to follow his will, but I am right at his heals asking, "are we almost there yet" "how much longer now". The Bible tells us not to worry, because it won't do any good anyway. That is probably one of the hardest things for me to overcome. I completely understand that God is in control and I am not; I know that He loves me and knows what is best for me, even when I don't, I know that I can trust Him... but I am impatient, I am controlling, I am fearful, I am weak, and I fall short of where I know He wants me to be.

I would like to think though, that I am "getting there". Granted, I KNOW I have a LONG way to go. In fact, I have probaby just pulled out of the driveway :) But I have taken baby steps in giving things to God and then trying not to worry about them. Finances, health, safety, etc. These are all things that I tend to stress over every day. I would be lying to tell you that I don't think about them at all. But I am coming to a point where when I know there is nothing I can do, then I am really working on just giving it to God and NOT worrying about it. I keep being reminded of the verse that says "If earthly fathers know how to give good gifts to their children, how much more does the Heavenly Father know how to give good gifts to His children" I also felt like God reminded me specifically today when I was watching the kids play, it was almost like He said to me "see what good gifts I have/can give to you". Let me be VERY clear... I KNOW i have a LOOOOOONG way to go!!! It is just that I have seen that in some circumstnaces I have found myself thinking, you know what, I can't do anything about that anyway, so I might as well just pray about it, then trust God with it, and leave it there. Some things are easier to do that with than others.

Sometimes I think I am more of an open book than most people would be. That can be good or bad. I don't mean for any of this to sound "wrong", just sharing my honest feelings about where I am in life right now. Not too long ago we really felt like God was calling us to stop doing Medical Foster Care. The positive is that I have felt a LOT better!! The negative is that it has caused financial strain on our family. Trusting God to provide when we are doing what He has called us to do is one thing that I am really working on right now. And when it really comes down to it... spending time with my family; homeschooling my kids, helping Matt at the church, being an example to my children, loving and caring for others in our church and the community... Those things are far more important than $$. I understand that and believe it with ALL of my heart, but it is still hard to trust completely when #s don't add up. Having said that, so far... God HAS provided, and it has all worked out, even if the #'s didn't add up.

I hope that every day I grow closer to God and that even in the tough times my children can see me look to God for answers and turn to Him for help, instead of trying to do things on my own - which I tend to do sometimes :(

So... I think I am getting there - slowly - but I am getting there :)

If anything, just like Tyler being excited about an upcoming trip to AL, I am excited about this journey I am on with God. It is never boring, He is always with me, there is adventure, it is fun; but the most important thing is the final destination - which will be indescribable and unbelievable ;)