cherish the moments

I just finished praying with Lauren. She was the last one to go to sleep tonight. I went in to check on them; and really, just to look at them.

We had 2 funerals today, and although we didn't attend the funeral last Saturday because of Matt's graduation; there was a funeral then too.

One lady in our church lost her son to cancer. He was an adult, and had been on Hospice for a while, so although it was expected, it came sooner than the family thought it would; and of course there is grieving there. The lady from our church is SOOOO sweet. She was telling me that she cared for her mother at home for a few years before she died, and then she cared for her son at home before he died. I told her how amazing and awesome it was that she did that. But how sad too. I held Ms. Grace's hand the night her son died, and she held on so tight. I hated to leave her house that night; but I know God was there holding her tighter than I ever could. And it showed too, her love and trust in God is clearly seen.

The funeral tonight was for one of Matt's students. He died in a car accident this past weekend. He was a senior in high school, 20 days away from graduation; and 21 days after his 18th birthday. I hugged his mom tonight, and again wished I could somehow hug her tight enough to give her strength. But I was amazed at the strength that she already had; and throughout the funeral it was so very clear that God was and is with this family right now in such a mighty way.

The funeral last Saturday was for a 6 year old little girl. She was riding on the back of a golf cart and her foot got caught in the wheel, she fell off and hit her head; and died a few days later.

I can't imagine losing any of my children. Not at 6, not at 18, or even as an adult. BUT as hard as it is to accept; I know that I have NO control over their lives. When we were struggling with infertility, it was so frustrating that some people could "choose" when they wanted to have a child and could easily get pregnant right away, and yet we had NO control over something that we presumed we "would" have control over. We presume that 6 year olds won't die, or that 18 year olds won't die. And it makes it that much harder to accept when they do; because we don't think it can or will happen.

I want to take advantage of every minute God gives me with my children and with my husband; because although I don't even want to say or write it, I know that God is in control of their lives and I have no say so in how long their lives will be. I want to cherish every minute that God gives me with them.

It is easy to get frustrated with our children; they are kids, they test the boundaries, and need to be taught right from wrong. But I hope to be able to focus more on cherishing every minute I have with them; even during the tough days. I pray that God will help me to raise my kids to love Him, love others, and love life. And I pray that I will learn the same lessons along the way.