REAL

My husband is a picky eater. Matt - if you read this, someone forced me to write that - lol. He will tell you that he isn't picky, he just knows what he likes, and he says that at 37, he can eat what he wants to and doesn't have to eat what he doesn't want to. One thing that he will NOT budge on is that he ONLY wants Hellman's REAL mayonaise. I didn't intend on telling you that, but when I made the title "real" that is what came to mind. So - there you go, there is one pointless story you really didn't care to know today - lol.

I want to be REAL. I think the thing that bugs me the most in life is "fake" people. Don't pretend to love God if you don't, don't pretend to like me if you don't, just be REAL. I also don't want people to see me as fake. I don't want them to see my love for God or my "Christian" life and see "an act" or "an effort to be something that I am not"... I just want to BE real, and I want to show them that God is REAL, and that His love is REAL. I am a blue jeans and tee shirt kinda girl. What you see is what you get - whether I am going to wal-mart or whether I am going to church. I may wear makeup on occasion, but most of the time, if I managed to put on my blue jeans and tee shirt, I am doing good - lol. I care more about what my kids look like that what I look like. However, if they want to wear their favorite shirt and an old pair of shorts with a favorite pair of dress shoes (Lauren) then I figure "why not". That's me. That's who I am, and there is no need to pretend to be someone else.

We have so many things coming at us from different directions right now, and the people pleaser in me catches myself thinking "am I reacting like I should, is anyone upset with me, etc." But the REAL truth is - God is in control, and I am not. I trust Him to lead me where He wants me to go, and I mean that. BUT I am also a REAL human, and sometimes I get scared, confused, tired, worn out, and down right irritable.

Yesterday was a really bad day. I said some things to someone that I can't quite figure out anyway. Sometimes I think she likes me, sometimes I think she doesn't have faith in my ability to do anything, and sometimes I think "I don't have a clue what she thinks of me". Well, I normally try to guard what I say, mostly as not to offend someone, but also I want to always act in love. But my personality is like this: You can push me for a very long time, but when you send me over the edge... watch out!! I went over the edge yesterday - in many different ways. And it wasn't even really her fault, she just was the messenger. I still don't know all that will result from my meltdown, but I do know this. No matter what happens. God is REAL, He is with me, and I REALLY love Him. And my hope and prayer is that all those who know me and see my life will see that although I am not perfect, God is, and I hope and pray that people see that I am a REAL person, not fake, and that through that, they will want to know more about the God that I serve.

Part of my stress lately, is not knowing WHERE we are going next. Don't know what church Matt will pastor, don't know where we will live, don't know what foster kids if any I will have, don't know financially what struggles each of those unknows will bring, etc.

This morning, this is what Bible verse I opened to:
From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them, the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. For in him we live and move and have our being. " Acts 17:25 - 28

God already has planned what He wants from us. I trust that He knows what is best for us and also that ultimately what He wants for us is all that matters anyway. But I am being real when I tell you that - it is not easy for me to wait in the uncertainties of life, the waitng, the unknown, the insecurites, etc.